Poor old L has a really sore eye. He mentioned last night how sore it was and later when I was snoozing in hospital, he ended up in A & E (at a different hospital) getting a piece of metal drilled out of it. Unfortunately he didn't realise that the hospital he went to was a private one until he got there, and it cost $300 to get the job done! On the plus side, he only had to wait for about 10 minutes. He's still in a lot of pain with it and has had to wear an eye patch. Swearing and cursing about everything. Somehow I'm not sure that playing his snowboarding game on the xbox without the eye patch is such a great idea...? He might go back to the hospital (a public one!) if it's not better by tomorrow. So we're the one-armed bandit and the one-eyed-pirate at the moment. What a pair!
On a cuter note, Suki the cat slept last night on the foot of the bed. That is the second time EVER she has slept on the bed. Apparently she was on my side (I guess L's legs are too long for her to sleep on his side). I don't know if I was imagining it, but she looked happy to see me when we got home. Unfortunately, I can't pick her up as I think she's over 2 kg. Haven't seen Zoxy (the other cat) yet, but no doubt she's around.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Saturday 28th - Home again
Got discharged form hospital this morning, they seemed to be ok about me going home. I've got my drain in a bag pinned to my PJ pants. Can't really remember much about yesterday, who I saw and who I talked to. Seemed to be much drowsier after the anaesthetic. L and D sat with me after I was moved to my bed, this time in a curtained off area shared with others. He had to go a little while later as it was 'rest time' but came back at about 3ish to spend the rest of the day with me. I did get moved to a private room at about 6.30pm, which I was pleased about. I think my snoring might have been the clincher in that deal.
Yesterday was hard and today was tough too - mentally mostly. The physical pain is pretty much kept under control with painkillers but have felt a lot more depressed in general about my 'disfigurement'. I know it can be fixed later with cosmetic surgery, but at the moment I feel so incomplete. Had a few tears at home with L (and in the hosptial yesterday). I had a little peek at my breast in the mirror when I was having a shower at the hospital this morning. Had been told by the doctor the evening before that she'd taken out well over 25%. The poor left breast certainly looked like a deflated balloon. I can't bring myself to look again and haven't been brave enough to show L yet. It's really hard to think that some part of me is gone. It sounds vain, but I did like my breasts and now one of them looks particularly awful and shrunken. It's tempting to think about having the other one reduced down so at least they match in size. I hate wearing padded bras.
Yesterday was hard and today was tough too - mentally mostly. The physical pain is pretty much kept under control with painkillers but have felt a lot more depressed in general about my 'disfigurement'. I know it can be fixed later with cosmetic surgery, but at the moment I feel so incomplete. Had a few tears at home with L (and in the hosptial yesterday). I had a little peek at my breast in the mirror when I was having a shower at the hospital this morning. Had been told by the doctor the evening before that she'd taken out well over 25%. The poor left breast certainly looked like a deflated balloon. I can't bring myself to look again and haven't been brave enough to show L yet. It's really hard to think that some part of me is gone. It sounds vain, but I did like my breasts and now one of them looks particularly awful and shrunken. It's tempting to think about having the other one reduced down so at least they match in size. I hate wearing padded bras.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Thursday 26th - Hair
I've decided not to go for any haircuts or hair related treatments because if it does fall out with the chemo, it would be a waste of money!
I've heard that when it grows back it can grow back a different colour and/or a different texture. If my hair grows back like my baby hair, then I'm in trouble because I was a bald baby!
I've heard that when it grows back it can grow back a different colour and/or a different texture. If my hair grows back like my baby hair, then I'm in trouble because I was a bald baby!
Thursday 26th - Bliss
Had a facial this afternoon at Sowelu (just up the road) and it was woooonderful. Thirty minutes of cleanse, moisturise, and massage, including neck and shoulders. Blisssss.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Wednesday 25th - What a day!
Had a lovely lunch with Don at Pancake Manor in the city (cheap and cheerful), and talked about our future plans for work, life, etc.
Then! On the bus on the way home, had a call from the real estate agent, saying that the landlord wants to terminate our least in April (when it's due up anyways, but we were hoping to stay). He wants to move back in, which of course is his right! In some ways it's good because looking for another rental (we don't want to rush into buying) can give me something to do!
But wait, there's more! Mum text'd me (at the same time that I was texting her about us having to move out), that they were burgled in their home during the day. Both were out at the time. Seems like they just lost the laptop and step-father's (old) mobile phone. Fortunately, Mum had her thesis backed up on her pen drive, which they didn't take. It seems they were looking for cash; which luckily they don't have floating around the place! It's just not great to have all this happening as well...
Then! On the bus on the way home, had a call from the real estate agent, saying that the landlord wants to terminate our least in April (when it's due up anyways, but we were hoping to stay). He wants to move back in, which of course is his right! In some ways it's good because looking for another rental (we don't want to rush into buying) can give me something to do!
But wait, there's more! Mum text'd me (at the same time that I was texting her about us having to move out), that they were burgled in their home during the day. Both were out at the time. Seems like they just lost the laptop and step-father's (old) mobile phone. Fortunately, Mum had her thesis backed up on her pen drive, which they didn't take. It seems they were looking for cash; which luckily they don't have floating around the place! It's just not great to have all this happening as well...
Wednesday 25th - Looking forward
Today is Wednesday. Wednesdays seem to be our big days. Here's hoping that in a week's time we'll have some better news and I'll be on the mend!
Tuesday 24th - Breast nurse
Also had a call from Patsy, the wonderful breast nurse at the RBWH. She even asked me about how my job interview went! Awww. She was ringing to tell me that the first patient scheduled for Friday had cancelled and would I like to go earlier in the day? I said, yes please. She also asked if I'd like to be first that day. Again, yes please. (She probably tells everyone they're first if they want it, but that's fine by me). So that means that I'll be in at the RBWH at 6.30am again, hopefully the operation will be at 8.30am. As long as they don't get me confused with the original first patient of the day, who was having a mastectomy plus reconstructive surgery. Yep, they can do the reconstruction a the same time as the mastectomy, how cool is that?
For me, for now, it's another Wide Local Excision (WLE) plus the Axilliary Clearance (notice there is no "u", I had the spelling wrong before. Yes, me, and English teacher! The shame!).
For me, for now, it's another Wide Local Excision (WLE) plus the Axilliary Clearance (notice there is no "u", I had the spelling wrong before. Yes, me, and English teacher! The shame!).
Tuesday 24th - Eve Health
Here's our doctor for the IFV: http://www.evehealth.com.au/anusch_yazdani.html
Tuesday 24th - Multiples
Another interesting thing is that the clinic doesn't advocate the implantation of multiple eggs (in my case). So, even though my changes of having a multiple pregnancy are naturally higher (because I'm a non-identical twin), if we go through IVF, it's actually going to be lower. They'll implant only one embryo at a time. This is because, in my situation, the concern right now is not the ability of the embryos to 'take', but just the implantation of them. It's funny to think that our future babies are going to be waiting for us on ice. Thank goodness I don't have any ethical/moral issues with embryos and IVF, including disposing of unused embryos if there are some left over.
Tuesday 24th - IVF Finances
I think we must be pretty straightforward patients, just absorbing the information as it comes! It's strange to have to go through the process without having any current fertility issues. It's so great that the service is even offered to us though. I do worry about the cost of it, now that we've switched to being "private" patients at Eve Health. But apparently we're still on the public system for most of it and because it's related to the cancer, a lot is highly discounted. The most expensive thing this side of it will be the "egg pick up" (EPU), which is about $800 plus the anaesthetist's fee. It's nice to know that the government is looking after us financially (as much as possible) during this time.
Tuesday 24th - QFG Nurse
After seeing Dr Yazdani, we talked to the nurse, who walked us through the IVF process with what happens biolgically (felt like I was back at those Family Planning/Sex Education trial classes they ran at Intermediate!), bu this time including how the drugs work to stop/start my system. It was all very well organised, with a mini powerpoint type presentation on a shared computer screen. They also offer counselling, although I don't her I don't think I'll utilise counselling for infertility at the moment, but she told us we can use the counsellors to talk about anything, which is good. There is certainly a lot of support accessible out there. At the moment, the IVF seems secondary to all the other stuff.
The nurse also showed me how to do my injections and recommended a high-protein diet and to drink lots of water while that's going on. She also sold me some 'elevit', a pre-pregnancy vitamin supplement, as at the moment we're pretending that my body wants to get pregnant. I left with my little cooler bag/lunch box of medication (which has to be kept in the fridge), plus needles and a special 'sharps' box for my used needles. When L got home he saw the bag in the fridge and thought I'd got some treats! Imagine his disappointment when he saw that it was boring old drugs! I think he had to have a cream egg to get over the shock.
The nurse also showed me how to do my injections and recommended a high-protein diet and to drink lots of water while that's going on. She also sold me some 'elevit', a pre-pregnancy vitamin supplement, as at the moment we're pretending that my body wants to get pregnant. I left with my little cooler bag/lunch box of medication (which has to be kept in the fridge), plus needles and a special 'sharps' box for my used needles. When L got home he saw the bag in the fridge and thought I'd got some treats! Imagine his disappointment when he saw that it was boring old drugs! I think he had to have a cream egg to get over the shock.
Tuesday 24th - Bloods
I also got my blood test results back and was interested to learn my blood type for the first time! "A minus" as L called it. Interesting, as being 'negative' can cause some complications at birth (when I'm giving birth, not when I was born). We haven't got L's blood test results back yet (because they were done at the RBWH and he had to sign a consent form so that the hospital could release them to the Dr's private rooms). I also was interested to find out that my rubella immunisation is 'borderline'. It's OK for now, but I might need a booster soon. I guess it was quite a long time ago that I had my last rubella jab (1982... we had them in Canada when we were 7, as that's the age they do it there).
Tuesday 24th - Gyno
Most of the day was taken up with seeing our gynae-guy, at his own rooms in South Brisbane (nice and close to a bus station too!). My appt was for 12pm, but the receptionist rang to tell me that he was running a bit late, so I ended up getting to the practice at about 12.30 and saw the doctor at about 1pm. The waiting rooms were very nice, complete with self-service Nespresso machine and up-to-date trashy magazines.
L was able to nip along from work too, which was great. It was just down the road from where he was working. We had a good talk with Dr Yazdani about our future plans and what happens next. Basically, I have to ring him as soon as I get my period, then he'll tell me what to do. This will probably include taking injections of FSH, which I have the lovely task of administering to myself! It's possible the first one may be when I'm in hospital at the RBWH on Saturday. I'm sure by then I won't be in the mood for it, but I'm also sure that I'll just add it to the list of things to do!
L was able to nip along from work too, which was great. It was just down the road from where he was working. We had a good talk with Dr Yazdani about our future plans and what happens next. Basically, I have to ring him as soon as I get my period, then he'll tell me what to do. This will probably include taking injections of FSH, which I have the lovely task of administering to myself! It's possible the first one may be when I'm in hospital at the RBWH on Saturday. I'm sure by then I won't be in the mood for it, but I'm also sure that I'll just add it to the list of things to do!
Tuesday 24th - A good day
Today was a good day and I feel good about the situation in general, as long as I don't think about it too much! Spent the morning answering emails, surfing the net, and playing with the cat. Plus a little early-morning nap on the couch...
Monday 23rd - Feeling better
Felt much better today. Had a good day just pottering about and making/confirming appointments for Tuesday and getting some ideas together for what to do to occupy myself for the next 3 - 6 months. Study is definitely an option and I've written to the course co-ordinator of one course asking if there is any chance of deferral (of the course) if I happen to not be able to cope with it. I'm hoping to hear back soon.
Received some absolutely beautiful pink tulips from some wonderful people. Also received another beautiful bunch of flowers at the weekend from L's brother JG and his wife S. It's lovely that people do these things! Another friend wrote a very heartwarming email to me - we are both going through a challenging time with these crazy things which get thrown our way. Yet another friend has opened up about her own (now past) experiences with surgery and chemo, which I had no idea had happened to her! That was also very touching.
Received some absolutely beautiful pink tulips from some wonderful people. Also received another beautiful bunch of flowers at the weekend from L's brother JG and his wife S. It's lovely that people do these things! Another friend wrote a very heartwarming email to me - we are both going through a challenging time with these crazy things which get thrown our way. Yet another friend has opened up about her own (now past) experiences with surgery and chemo, which I had no idea had happened to her! That was also very touching.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Sunday 22nd - Hard
Today was a hard day. I thought I was more on top of things, but the frustration/sadness/anger/worry got the better of me today. It started out as what should have been a great morning. We'd arranged to meet an old friend and his family for brunch at Portside Wharf. Then later, some more friends were coming to our house to visit us, and later still, a plan to go to Tropfest with our neighbour, J. A busy, but happily distracting day.
It went pear-shaped about 5 minutes before we were due to depart for Portside. L said something which he later admitted 'came out of his mouth wrong', but it left me feeling stunned, shocked, and saddened. I knew something like this was brewing, but I didn't expect it to hit so hard.
One of the reasons I was sad to see Mum leave on Saturday afternoon was that I knew we wouldn't be on our 'best behaviour' any more - what I mean is what we say to each other would be less controlled or thought through before it was spoken. I acknowledge that Mike has every right to be angry with the situation, and feel impotent with the frustration of not being able to do anything about it, but sometimes I worry that I'm going to be supporting him through this, not the other way around. He said something which really upset me, and he knows it really upsets me when he says it (which he does from time to time, usually when drinking).
I think when he gets angry he says hurtful/spiteful things, not realising that the other person might actually take him seriously. He dragged up an underlying dagger and teased me with it, which he later denied is the way he feels but sure knows how to cut at the time he says it. So it ended in tears for me of course, but trying to pull myself together before going to meet our friends. It must have been obvious that I'd been crying, but fortunately no-one asked about it because if they had, I don't think I would have been able to hold it in! Perhaps the drugs I'm on for the IVF are making me oversensitive, but I don't think so. I think it's just a stressful time.
I hate even having to get to the edge of thinking 'it's not my fault' and 'I'm not to blame', 'I didn't ask for this' because I know they are not even remotely connected to the situation. There is no 'fault', no 'blame', no 'ask'. But I hate even more having to say these things to justify why I'm not going to be working full time and why I might need some extra support (financial and moral) for the foreseeable future, and why someone else has to step up to help me through this. It shouldn't even be questioned. The world is not against me/us. There is nothing holding us back or stopping us from achieving what we want. There is no big black cloud hovering over us. There is no external factor working against us just when we thought things were going to plan. Shit happens. That is all.
In the end, we had a lovely lunch with our friends, and my brother too. L is probably sick of me telling people about the cancer situation by now. It's not something I'm proud of, and to tell the truth I'm worried about what the next stage will hold. In some ways I guess it's kind of selfish because it takes over the conversation for a bit. I become the 'star attraction'. But goodness knows I'd rather not be. It's just something that's pretty big and happening right now, and I want my friends to know about it and to feel free to talk about it.
I asked him to please make an effort to call the Cancer Council Hotline for a chat about irrational fears, worries, anger, etc when I went out later on that evening. He elected to stay home for that reason, and to have some time out to himself. Absolutely fair enough. I had a sneaky suspicion that he wouldn't call them... I really wish he would. Not just for the chat, but also for the confidentiality of the said chat. Instead, he spoke to his little sister about how he feels. It's great that they have this close bond, but I have to admit that was worried about confidentiality in that case. However, I've since thought about it and decided that confidentiality has gone out the window a bit hasn't it. As I write a blog.
We had a lovely visit from some of our friends from my work in the early afternoon. It was nice to have a good old catch up. Sometimes I wonder if I talk about the cancer too much. I guess that it's top thing in my head right now, and I found that almost every topic we talked about could have some kind of link to it. But hopefully I resisted saying a few things as I wanted to have a normal conversation too. I think it's important not to let it dominate everything, but it's hard not for it to, because it's such a big thing. I don't to bore people with it, but I'm also happy to discuss it if people have any questions. I guess it's a matter of finding that balance.
This evening I went with J and her housemate to a free outdoor showing of 16 short films. It was great to get away, both physically and mentally. We had a nice picnic and enjoyed the films immensely, adding our own comments and doing our own judging. Got home about half an hour ago. Still feel emotionally exhausted so I think I'll sleep well tonight.
It went pear-shaped about 5 minutes before we were due to depart for Portside. L said something which he later admitted 'came out of his mouth wrong', but it left me feeling stunned, shocked, and saddened. I knew something like this was brewing, but I didn't expect it to hit so hard.
One of the reasons I was sad to see Mum leave on Saturday afternoon was that I knew we wouldn't be on our 'best behaviour' any more - what I mean is what we say to each other would be less controlled or thought through before it was spoken. I acknowledge that Mike has every right to be angry with the situation, and feel impotent with the frustration of not being able to do anything about it, but sometimes I worry that I'm going to be supporting him through this, not the other way around. He said something which really upset me, and he knows it really upsets me when he says it (which he does from time to time, usually when drinking).
I think when he gets angry he says hurtful/spiteful things, not realising that the other person might actually take him seriously. He dragged up an underlying dagger and teased me with it, which he later denied is the way he feels but sure knows how to cut at the time he says it. So it ended in tears for me of course, but trying to pull myself together before going to meet our friends. It must have been obvious that I'd been crying, but fortunately no-one asked about it because if they had, I don't think I would have been able to hold it in! Perhaps the drugs I'm on for the IVF are making me oversensitive, but I don't think so. I think it's just a stressful time.
I hate even having to get to the edge of thinking 'it's not my fault' and 'I'm not to blame', 'I didn't ask for this' because I know they are not even remotely connected to the situation. There is no 'fault', no 'blame', no 'ask'. But I hate even more having to say these things to justify why I'm not going to be working full time and why I might need some extra support (financial and moral) for the foreseeable future, and why someone else has to step up to help me through this. It shouldn't even be questioned. The world is not against me/us. There is nothing holding us back or stopping us from achieving what we want. There is no big black cloud hovering over us. There is no external factor working against us just when we thought things were going to plan. Shit happens. That is all.
In the end, we had a lovely lunch with our friends, and my brother too. L is probably sick of me telling people about the cancer situation by now. It's not something I'm proud of, and to tell the truth I'm worried about what the next stage will hold. In some ways I guess it's kind of selfish because it takes over the conversation for a bit. I become the 'star attraction'. But goodness knows I'd rather not be. It's just something that's pretty big and happening right now, and I want my friends to know about it and to feel free to talk about it.
I asked him to please make an effort to call the Cancer Council Hotline for a chat about irrational fears, worries, anger, etc when I went out later on that evening. He elected to stay home for that reason, and to have some time out to himself. Absolutely fair enough. I had a sneaky suspicion that he wouldn't call them... I really wish he would. Not just for the chat, but also for the confidentiality of the said chat. Instead, he spoke to his little sister about how he feels. It's great that they have this close bond, but I have to admit that was worried about confidentiality in that case. However, I've since thought about it and decided that confidentiality has gone out the window a bit hasn't it. As I write a blog.
We had a lovely visit from some of our friends from my work in the early afternoon. It was nice to have a good old catch up. Sometimes I wonder if I talk about the cancer too much. I guess that it's top thing in my head right now, and I found that almost every topic we talked about could have some kind of link to it. But hopefully I resisted saying a few things as I wanted to have a normal conversation too. I think it's important not to let it dominate everything, but it's hard not for it to, because it's such a big thing. I don't to bore people with it, but I'm also happy to discuss it if people have any questions. I guess it's a matter of finding that balance.
This evening I went with J and her housemate to a free outdoor showing of 16 short films. It was great to get away, both physically and mentally. We had a nice picnic and enjoyed the films immensely, adding our own comments and doing our own judging. Got home about half an hour ago. Still feel emotionally exhausted so I think I'll sleep well tonight.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Friday 20th - Event
Friday, the 20th of February, was our one-year anniversary of arriving in Australia.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Thursday 19th - Tired
Tired today. Was tired on Monday too, but had 2 good days on Tue & Wed. Just woke up from an afternoon nap. Before the nap I emailed about a job interview I'd been accepted for. It's tomorrow morning and I know I won't be able to commit to a full time workload at a brand new job at a new school with new people for the next 3 months or so. Bugger.
Started on the Synarel this morning. I got the all clear from the gynae-nurse that my 'count' is 49 (it needed to be above 10). God knows what the count is of. I've had so much information to digest (again) in the last 24 hours, that I'm at saturation point. Anyway, it means the IVF cycle can start, which I guess kind of officially means that chemo will happen. I already knew from yesterday at the hospital that chemo is definitely on the treatment list, but this action of starting the Synarel puffer means that it's really going to happen.
Meanwhile, my scars are healing really nicely and starting to get itchy. Shame they have to open them up again. We were really hoping for some good news yesterday and it wasn't even the 'worst-case scenrio' that been going around in my head, but worse than that.
More surgery is now booked for the 27th of February (afternoon this time), to remove the lymph nodes (breast ones only, if the doctor can discern between those and the arm ones - apparently he's very good and he can and it helps that I'm not overweight. I've found out along the way that being overweight has a LOT of complications if you have to have surgery), and to remove some more breast tissue because they didn't get a wide enough 'clear' margin last time. What a bugger, eh.
They can remove up to 25%, this time but if any more surgery is needed at all, it will definitely have to be a mastectomy. I don't even want to THINK about that at the moment. Lymph nodes (auxiliary clearance) sounds bad enough. Apparently the pain is a lot worse, and recovery period a lot longer and I'll definitely have a drain this time.
Started on the Synarel this morning. I got the all clear from the gynae-nurse that my 'count' is 49 (it needed to be above 10). God knows what the count is of. I've had so much information to digest (again) in the last 24 hours, that I'm at saturation point. Anyway, it means the IVF cycle can start, which I guess kind of officially means that chemo will happen. I already knew from yesterday at the hospital that chemo is definitely on the treatment list, but this action of starting the Synarel puffer means that it's really going to happen.
Meanwhile, my scars are healing really nicely and starting to get itchy. Shame they have to open them up again. We were really hoping for some good news yesterday and it wasn't even the 'worst-case scenrio' that been going around in my head, but worse than that.
More surgery is now booked for the 27th of February (afternoon this time), to remove the lymph nodes (breast ones only, if the doctor can discern between those and the arm ones - apparently he's very good and he can and it helps that I'm not overweight. I've found out along the way that being overweight has a LOT of complications if you have to have surgery), and to remove some more breast tissue because they didn't get a wide enough 'clear' margin last time. What a bugger, eh.
They can remove up to 25%, this time but if any more surgery is needed at all, it will definitely have to be a mastectomy. I don't even want to THINK about that at the moment. Lymph nodes (auxiliary clearance) sounds bad enough. Apparently the pain is a lot worse, and recovery period a lot longer and I'll definitely have a drain this time.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Wednesday 18th - Anxious!
Today's the day when we hope to find out the results from the sentinel node biopsy and the actual cancer itself. I'm anxious/nervous/excited/worried all rolled into one.
First up is a lovely ultra-sound scan of my uterus though. Got to do the old "drink 1 litre of water over 2 hours and don't pee" situation. I just hope they don't keep me waiting for too long once I'm there.
Then it's blood tests for L and I. We have opted not to do the genetic testing at this stage. L also has to take his little sample in (hehehe).
The main meeting is at 10.20am, but they've already warned me they will probably be running late. I hope not too late!
Then - I have a job interview for a job I really really want! For once, I'm not too fazed about a job interview. The other interview kind of overshadows everything else! Perhaps that's a good thing. Wish me luck on all accounts.
First up is a lovely ultra-sound scan of my uterus though. Got to do the old "drink 1 litre of water over 2 hours and don't pee" situation. I just hope they don't keep me waiting for too long once I'm there.
Then it's blood tests for L and I. We have opted not to do the genetic testing at this stage. L also has to take his little sample in (hehehe).
The main meeting is at 10.20am, but they've already warned me they will probably be running late. I hope not too late!
Then - I have a job interview for a job I really really want! For once, I'm not too fazed about a job interview. The other interview kind of overshadows everything else! Perhaps that's a good thing. Wish me luck on all accounts.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Tuesday 17th - My Doctor Dude
Here's my doctor, Owen Ung. He's the man! I hope is brings me good news tomorrow!
http://www.whers.com.au/speakerscv/owen_ung.php
http://www.whers.com.au/speakerscv/owen_ung.php
Tuesday 17th - Dishes
I'm feeling a little bit guilty because I can hear L and Mum doing the dishes and I'm sitting on here. Naughty.
Tuesday 17th - Holiday
Tuesday we went to Maleny and Montville, which was like taking a little holiday day. We were pretty much able to put aside our anxiety about Wednesday's appointment and had a great time up in the hills, where it was misty and a little bit rainy. But still warm.
Monday 16th - More tired
On Monday, I was starting to get a bit tired again. We had my workmates from The Body Shop at Home come over for morning tea, and then CP (my step-sister-in-law), who happened to be in Brisbane at the time, came over and we went out for lunch. It was great to see them too, especially CP, a familiar face from home. We had a lovely lunch at a local cafe and later drive CP up to her sister's place just north of the city. I was pretty wiped out by then and had a sleep when we got home. Possibly D & T came over for dinner that night, but maybe that was a different night.
Sunday 15th - Resting at home
On Sunday, LL came over in the afternoon for a visit (more gorgeous flowers), and later E and A also came over. It was good to see people and chat. I can't remember much else of that day at all.
Saturday 14th - Home
It was so good to be home that afternoon. Mum and L were also exhausted, and we all had a little sleep.
I can't remember what we did for dinner that night.
I can't remember what we did for dinner that night.
Saturay 14th - Visitors & Doctors
Our first visitors were S and A, who also brought a lovely bunch of flowers for me. It was good to see them and have a chat too. Not long after they left, the doctors came around. I wanted to make sure I was up and about when they came in. Luckily, I was walking around when they came to the door.
There was a girl who I'd seen before, one of the three who came in to talk to me pre-op, and also had talked to me before the anaesthetic. They asked me how I was and took my dressing off. I didn't want to look at my breast at all. But I did with some encouragement, and apart from it being blue from the dye, it looked very normal. I was half-expecting a big crater in the side of my breast, but it was a nice little scar, which would sit just under my bra-line. It had some tape-stitches on it, which I was told to leave on until they fell off on their own. Otherwise, it looked almost exactly the same as before - perhaps a little bit smaller, but unnoticeable to the untrained observer. I was very happy with the result.
We were told that we could go home that afternoon (wahoo!), but then we waited until they'd picked up my drugs from the hospital pharmacy. That took a good couple of hours, but I was happy just to chill out for a bit longer.
Our next visitors were C, M, and T. Actually, I can't remember if I was told I could go home before we saw them or not. It was lovely to see them too, and have a good catch up. My lunch arrived, and I ate some of that. Rather bland, but I was still pretty hungry.
There was a girl who I'd seen before, one of the three who came in to talk to me pre-op, and also had talked to me before the anaesthetic. They asked me how I was and took my dressing off. I didn't want to look at my breast at all. But I did with some encouragement, and apart from it being blue from the dye, it looked very normal. I was half-expecting a big crater in the side of my breast, but it was a nice little scar, which would sit just under my bra-line. It had some tape-stitches on it, which I was told to leave on until they fell off on their own. Otherwise, it looked almost exactly the same as before - perhaps a little bit smaller, but unnoticeable to the untrained observer. I was very happy with the result.
We were told that we could go home that afternoon (wahoo!), but then we waited until they'd picked up my drugs from the hospital pharmacy. That took a good couple of hours, but I was happy just to chill out for a bit longer.
Our next visitors were C, M, and T. Actually, I can't remember if I was told I could go home before we saw them or not. It was lovely to see them too, and have a good catch up. My lunch arrived, and I ate some of that. Rather bland, but I was still pretty hungry.
Saturday 14th - Breakfast
I was so hungry by the time breakfast rolled around. The meal lady brought in a tray with a plastic platter on it - you know the kind with the big lid over the food. I was so excited to be getting a cooked breakfast. I whipped off the lid, and there lying before me was one single poached egg! All on it's lonesome on a massive plate. I was disappointed to say the least. So I ate it up, and then had the weet-bix and a cup of tea. Boring!
They came to collect my plate and tidy up. I hoped the doctors would be in soon to see me. I managed to get up on my own and go to the toilet on my own (what a feat!). I went back to bed and dozed a bit, hoping isiting hours would come around soon (10am start).
At 9am, there was a gentle knock on my door, and in came Mum and L, bearing a huge bunch of flowers and a funny valentine's day card. It was so good to see them. So we chatted for a bit, and waited for the doctors to come around. I was feeling much much better by this stage. Still a bit sore, but my spirits were up and the anaesthetic seemed to have worn off.
They came to collect my plate and tidy up. I hoped the doctors would be in soon to see me. I managed to get up on my own and go to the toilet on my own (what a feat!). I went back to bed and dozed a bit, hoping isiting hours would come around soon (10am start).
At 9am, there was a gentle knock on my door, and in came Mum and L, bearing a huge bunch of flowers and a funny valentine's day card. It was so good to see them. So we chatted for a bit, and waited for the doctors to come around. I was feeling much much better by this stage. Still a bit sore, but my spirits were up and the anaesthetic seemed to have worn off.
Friday 13th - Bedside Confessions
L, Mum and I just sat there for a few hours. I was feeling pretty chatty and apparently (L says) I was telling stories about some of the things I got up to in the early days in London, apparently drawing parallels with the way I was feeling coming out of the anaesthetic with some experiences I'd had there! Hmmm. I don't remember that.
Friday 13th - Coming right
They brought me afternoon tea (but none for my guests, unfortunately!) and later dinner. L arranged for the TV, so that I could watch cable if I wanted to. I was getting a bit sore and the nurses checked on me every few hours, taking my blood pressure and temperature. One of the most annoying things was my sore throat, from the anaesthetic tube. I had Panadol for the pain, but was restricted to 2 every 4 hours. At one stage they brought me another painkiller, but I brought that back up (along with my dinner!) into my water jug. Lucky that water jug was handy and Mike was even handier to pass it to me. As usual, when you throw up you feel much better - and I did. And hungrier!
Friday 13th - My Bed
I was wheeled up to 6A North, again thoughts of Monty Python! Luckily all the doors seemed to open automatically. It was weirder this time because I was lying down and really couldn't see a thing! They took me through to Bed 36, which turned out to be my very own room! I was really really surprised about that. I had my own ensuite shared with the room on the other side (of the ensuite). I even had a view out the window and could see an old Queenslander building and some nice green trees.
The nurses got me settled in and before I knew it, some visitors were also allowed in - and I was sooo happy to see them! I lay there for a bit and got my glasses and phone back and proceeded to text people that I was through the other side. I was feeling quite chirpy, if not rather pale and wobbly. The nurse helped me sit the bed up and I attempted to stand up and get out of bed to go to the toilet, but was unsuccessful in getting off the bed, so we left it for later. It wasn't that urgent anyways. She did put a pan thing in the toilet to collect my first wee though.
The nurses got me settled in and before I knew it, some visitors were also allowed in - and I was sooo happy to see them! I lay there for a bit and got my glasses and phone back and proceeded to text people that I was through the other side. I was feeling quite chirpy, if not rather pale and wobbly. The nurse helped me sit the bed up and I attempted to stand up and get out of bed to go to the toilet, but was unsuccessful in getting off the bed, so we left it for later. It wasn't that urgent anyways. She did put a pan thing in the toilet to collect my first wee though.
Friday 13th - Jet Lag
I woke up in the recovery area, along with all the other recoveries. I wasn't in much pain but I was feeling a bit groggy. I could feel the compression sausages pumping gently on my legs and that gave me something nice to focus on while I was adjusting to being awake. I knew exactly where I was and why I was there and the soft massaging feeling on my legs kind of distracted me from the reality of the situation. The first thing I asked for was to see Mum and Mike because I knew they would be waiting and wondering if I was OK. I could open my eyes and look around (although still sans glasses).
It was really annoying though, because I could focus on something and then my eyes would roll back in my head. I couldn't make them do what I wanted at all! It was like when you're lying in bed at night it's pitch black and you can see kind of floaty things, drifting on their own accord. My point of focus definitely drifted on its own accord - upwards! So I closed my eyes for a bit until I could regain a bit more control. I could hear perfectly and I knew I was ready to be moved from the recovery area into my own 'bed'.
They wheeled me around the corner a bit, as my bed wasn't ready yet. I could hear them on the telephone organising my 'taxi' to take me up. At first I thought this meant I was really going to get in a taxi to go to another part of the hospital, but then realised they meant the person to wheel me upstairs. I heard that Mum was also downstairs looking for me and asked if she could come in, but they said not to worry, only 10 minutes until I could get moving.
Well, that felt like the longest 10 minutes ever! The automatic blood pressure checker had slowed to squeezing my arm only every half hour instead of every 10 minutes and I could just see the 24-hour time on the machine next to me. I could see the minutes part, but my silly eyes couldn't make out the hour part. For all I knew I was there from 13:48 until 14:56 - it sure felt like it - but I think perhaps it was only 8 minutes after all. Then finally, there were two 'taxis' ready for me to take me upstairs to my 'bed'.
It was really annoying though, because I could focus on something and then my eyes would roll back in my head. I couldn't make them do what I wanted at all! It was like when you're lying in bed at night it's pitch black and you can see kind of floaty things, drifting on their own accord. My point of focus definitely drifted on its own accord - upwards! So I closed my eyes for a bit until I could regain a bit more control. I could hear perfectly and I knew I was ready to be moved from the recovery area into my own 'bed'.
They wheeled me around the corner a bit, as my bed wasn't ready yet. I could hear them on the telephone organising my 'taxi' to take me up. At first I thought this meant I was really going to get in a taxi to go to another part of the hospital, but then realised they meant the person to wheel me upstairs. I heard that Mum was also downstairs looking for me and asked if she could come in, but they said not to worry, only 10 minutes until I could get moving.
Well, that felt like the longest 10 minutes ever! The automatic blood pressure checker had slowed to squeezing my arm only every half hour instead of every 10 minutes and I could just see the 24-hour time on the machine next to me. I could see the minutes part, but my silly eyes couldn't make out the hour part. For all I knew I was there from 13:48 until 14:56 - it sure felt like it - but I think perhaps it was only 8 minutes after all. Then finally, there were two 'taxis' ready for me to take me upstairs to my 'bed'.
Friday 13th - Night time
A lovely nurse came in to help me have a sponge-bath, and to put my nice new pyjamas on. I was a bit sore still but the worst pain was actually more from the sore throat (from the anaesthetic tube) and my stomach muscles from using those to sit up. Tip: if you're going in for surgery, strengthen those stomach muscles!
L left me at about 9pm (visiting hours were supposed to be until 8pm), and I went to sleep almost immediately. I woke up at about midnight and watched a bit of TV. Luckily Sex and the City was on, so I watched 3 episodes of that. It just happened to be the ones when one of the characters gets testicular cancer. I text'd a few people in London/Ireland, which was great! Meanwhile, the nurse came in to check my bp, temperature, and pain level. She game me some more panadol and then I went back to sleep.
I only woke again at about 4am, when the nurse came to check on me again. I'm sure I woke before she came in. All the nurses were so nice - sensitive and quiet and caring. I then dozed until about 6am. By then I was getting very hungry. The little pot of custard I'd eaten in the night didn't quite fill me up! I asked the next nurse what time breakfast would be, and she said around 7.30am. I dozed and waited but it didn't seem like such a long wait. I watched a bit of TV until I dropped the TV remote and couldn't retrieve it.
L left me at about 9pm (visiting hours were supposed to be until 8pm), and I went to sleep almost immediately. I woke up at about midnight and watched a bit of TV. Luckily Sex and the City was on, so I watched 3 episodes of that. It just happened to be the ones when one of the characters gets testicular cancer. I text'd a few people in London/Ireland, which was great! Meanwhile, the nurse came in to check my bp, temperature, and pain level. She game me some more panadol and then I went back to sleep.
I only woke again at about 4am, when the nurse came to check on me again. I'm sure I woke before she came in. All the nurses were so nice - sensitive and quiet and caring. I then dozed until about 6am. By then I was getting very hungry. The little pot of custard I'd eaten in the night didn't quite fill me up! I asked the next nurse what time breakfast would be, and she said around 7.30am. I dozed and waited but it didn't seem like such a long wait. I watched a bit of TV until I dropped the TV remote and couldn't retrieve it.
Friday 13th - We have Lift-off!
I remember being wheeled through the doors and glancing over at my doctor and his team getting ready. By now I was flat on my back. I have a vague recollection of being moved from the wheely bed to a harder surface (I didn't have to do anything) and seeing the big round lights above my head. They looked just like the ones you have for hospital playmobile or lego. I don't remember being talked to, asked my name, counting backwards or anything like that. I must have been out pretty quickly. My irrational fear of being 'aware' during surgery didn't happen.
Friday 13th - Preparing for Take-off
It must have been about 9.30am when they wheeled me through to the final area before surgery. I remember looking at the clock and wanting to remember the time so that I could tell Mike and Mum, but it's a bit of a blur now. I was wheeled through to a very small room where two nurses got me ready. One of them was teaching the other one what to do, which was interesting in itself. They put the compression pumps around my legs. They are kind of blow up tubes which inflate and deflate to massage my legs while I'm in theatre. They felt quite nice and soothing. That part I liked. They also asked if I had had surgery before and when I told them it was my first time, they made a point of telling me exactly what would happen and when. That really helped me too. Even just before they put the oxygen mask on me, they warned me that it didn't have any small but it might smell a bit plastic-y but that's just the mask itself and perfectly normal. That kind of little attention to detail made a huge difference to my state of mind.
Then the technician put my thing in my arm for a drip. She put it in my forearm, which meant I could use my hand easily later on (to wipe my bottom, she said!). She gave me a little local for that and they also took some blood from me because I'd consented to being part of a study. So that was all OK and I was sitting up the whole time and chatting to them. They commented on how calm and relaxed I was about the whole thing. Perhaps I didn't need whatever it was that would make me feel 'happy about the world'. I told them that the very reason I WAS feeling calm was because I knew that those first drugs were coming! Don't back out on me now! Whether they gave them to me or not, I have no idea. They could have told me they had and I would have believed them. I do remember being told that there might be a little sting from a needle, but most people don't remember that. It's true - I remember the talking but not the needle.
Then the technician put my thing in my arm for a drip. She put it in my forearm, which meant I could use my hand easily later on (to wipe my bottom, she said!). She gave me a little local for that and they also took some blood from me because I'd consented to being part of a study. So that was all OK and I was sitting up the whole time and chatting to them. They commented on how calm and relaxed I was about the whole thing. Perhaps I didn't need whatever it was that would make me feel 'happy about the world'. I told them that the very reason I WAS feeling calm was because I knew that those first drugs were coming! Don't back out on me now! Whether they gave them to me or not, I have no idea. They could have told me they had and I would have believed them. I do remember being told that there might be a little sting from a needle, but most people don't remember that. It's true - I remember the talking but not the needle.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Friday 13th - Holding Bay
They took me through to a smaller holding bay area, where it was just nurses and other patients on beds. I sat there for a wee while and watched them at work. I asked a nurse for something to put on my lips before going in for the anaesthetic, and she brought me some paraffin wax on a tongue-depressor. They were talking about lollies, but I was beyond worrying about food at that point. It was kind of sweet though, because another nurse came by and apologised to me because they were talking about food and she knew I would have been nil-by-mouth for quite a time. I said to her that I didn't mind at all - as long as they had the necessary means to be happy in their jobs everything was fine by me. The anaesthetic technician came in and told me I was second in line for surgery. She was kind of funny too. And one of the doctors of the three from earlier came in too, which was nice as it meant a kind of continuity with at least one familiar face.
Friday 13th - Departure Lounge
After waiting at ground level reception, we were directed to another reception/waiting area on the same level as the operating theatre. By about 8.00am I went through with both Mum and Mike to get into my bed to wait to go through to theatre. I got changed into a beautiful purple gown and really lovely paper hospital knickers. I put two pairs of paper knickers because I didn't want to get a cold bottom. Then I went through to where several beds with patients in them were waiting and climbed into my own bed. Mum and L were given chairs to sit next to me and we chatted and tried not to talk about food - but the conversation kept going back to food as is always does when you're trying to avoid a topic!
The nurse brought me some compression socks and put my hospital tag around my ankle. I said to her, as long as you don't put it on my toe!! The also had some special pressure leg-casings which were put on my bed for later as well as a lovely red paper shower-cap thing for wearing in theatre. Red means 'allergy', as all the way through doctors and nurses had asked me if I was allergic to anything. I have a mild allergy to manuka honey, which is a pretty common honey in NZ, but here I think they thought I must have been a bit of a health nutter! Every time they asked, I had to explain. Another thing I had to explain was when they asked me if I'd ever had a general anaesthetic before. The answer is yes, but it's a bit of a story! Mum laughed every time they asked because she had to explain. I don't remember much about it because I was so young.
Anyway, back to the story at hand. I waited in my bed, and propped up the back so I could talk to Mum and L. Then at about 8.45am three doctors came around and talked to me about the procedure and told me I was third in line for theatre. One of them drew on my with permanent marker with the name of the surgical procedure above my breast. After a bit more waiting they wheeled me away to the second-to-last stop before theatre. I had to leave my glasses with Mike and Mum, so I said goodbye to them and off I went. I kept thinking about that Monty Python sketch where they wheel the expectant mother through the doors. I was lucky because I was sitting up - I could see where I was going although I couldn't make much out because of not having my glasses.
The nurse brought me some compression socks and put my hospital tag around my ankle. I said to her, as long as you don't put it on my toe!! The also had some special pressure leg-casings which were put on my bed for later as well as a lovely red paper shower-cap thing for wearing in theatre. Red means 'allergy', as all the way through doctors and nurses had asked me if I was allergic to anything. I have a mild allergy to manuka honey, which is a pretty common honey in NZ, but here I think they thought I must have been a bit of a health nutter! Every time they asked, I had to explain. Another thing I had to explain was when they asked me if I'd ever had a general anaesthetic before. The answer is yes, but it's a bit of a story! Mum laughed every time they asked because she had to explain. I don't remember much about it because I was so young.
Anyway, back to the story at hand. I waited in my bed, and propped up the back so I could talk to Mum and L. Then at about 8.45am three doctors came around and talked to me about the procedure and told me I was third in line for theatre. One of them drew on my with permanent marker with the name of the surgical procedure above my breast. After a bit more waiting they wheeled me away to the second-to-last stop before theatre. I had to leave my glasses with Mike and Mum, so I said goodbye to them and off I went. I kept thinking about that Monty Python sketch where they wheel the expectant mother through the doors. I was lucky because I was sitting up - I could see where I was going although I couldn't make much out because of not having my glasses.
Friday 13th Waaaaoooo - Pre-Flight
Where to begin? Friday was quite a day. I'd been nil-by-mouth since midnight the night before and almost almost ate a leftover chip from Thursday's tea but managed to remember that I wasn't supposed to just before it reached my lips.
The appointment was for 6.30am, so we drove up to the hospital at about 6.10am (had to go back because somebody had left their mobile on the charger!) and got to the reception on the ground floor with plenty of time to spare - which was no worries anyway because after I handed over my appointment paper we waited for about an hour before going up to the waiting room outside theatre. We sat there nervously for a while - all the time I kept thinking it was so much like going on a long plane journey.
The anticipation and nervousness were at about the same levels and I had people there to 'see me off', not unlike an airport departure lounge. I'd packed my bag that morning for the hospital, including the usual spare knickers and socks, sleeping mask and ear plugs, and almost felt like I needed to make sure my toilettries were in < 100ml container in clear plastic bags.
The appointment was for 6.30am, so we drove up to the hospital at about 6.10am (had to go back because somebody had left their mobile on the charger!) and got to the reception on the ground floor with plenty of time to spare - which was no worries anyway because after I handed over my appointment paper we waited for about an hour before going up to the waiting room outside theatre. We sat there nervously for a while - all the time I kept thinking it was so much like going on a long plane journey.
The anticipation and nervousness were at about the same levels and I had people there to 'see me off', not unlike an airport departure lounge. I'd packed my bag that morning for the hospital, including the usual spare knickers and socks, sleeping mask and ear plugs, and almost felt like I needed to make sure my toilettries were in < 100ml container in clear plastic bags.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Home
Got home this afternoon. A bit sore still - mostly sore throat from the tube they had down it for the anaesthetic. Happy to be home. Tired. They're done a great job - I still have two breasts for now :-) No auxiliary clearance as yet. Pee was smurf-blue from the blue dye. Further action and results on Wednesday... more waiting! Will write more later.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Friday 13th - Friday Morning
It's 5.07am and I've been nil by mouth as of midnight last night, no fluids as of 4.30am this morning. I'm just about to pack my little bag to take the the hospital. Seems to me it's a bit like taking a long plane flight - got to have a couple of toilettries and a book, plus some comfy clothes (in my case, that's pyjamas).
There's check-in and then waiting, then the 'flight' then a bit of waiting at the other side. L's going to copy the first 2 discs of Outrageous Fortune onto the iPod and lend that to me so I can watch it in those dull, long hours while I'm awake and twiddling my thumbs. I can't take a phone in at all and I'm not allowed to plug anything in, so the iPod is perfect. Wish me luck for a speedy recovery and I'll see you on the other side of the operation! Feel free to ring or text my mobile or L's. L will have mine with him until I'm in a place where I'm allowed to use it :-)
There's check-in and then waiting, then the 'flight' then a bit of waiting at the other side. L's going to copy the first 2 discs of Outrageous Fortune onto the iPod and lend that to me so I can watch it in those dull, long hours while I'm awake and twiddling my thumbs. I can't take a phone in at all and I'm not allowed to plug anything in, so the iPod is perfect. Wish me luck for a speedy recovery and I'll see you on the other side of the operation! Feel free to ring or text my mobile or L's. L will have mine with him until I'm in a place where I'm allowed to use it :-)
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Thursday 12th - Phone Calls
Thank you so much for phone calls and text messages to wish me luck and happy thoughts/positive vibes for tomorrow. I'm sorry if I haven't got back to all of you - if you caught me at a more 'awake' moment, I'd have responded immediately but today was such a blur. So if I haven't responded it's not because I didn't want to but because I'm knackered! I'm thinking of you too and saying thank you for your kind messages of love and support.
Thursday 12th - Attitudes
All in all, I have been very impressed with the attitude of the hospital staff. They have come across as professional, friendly, clear, calm and confident. Not just when dealing directly with me, but also when they are dealing with each other. It's made me feel much more relaxed, calm, and confident about everything myself.
They've been so great with their communication and really seem to understand that we won't remember absolutely everything they say. It's the nice little human touches like the pre-warmed blanket for the nuclear meds, the cushion under the knees, ... always making sure I'm comfortable (as much as possible under the circumstances), and knowing they are there to answer any questions we have.
They've been so great with their communication and really seem to understand that we won't remember absolutely everything they say. It's the nice little human touches like the pre-warmed blanket for the nuclear meds, the cushion under the knees, ... always making sure I'm comfortable (as much as possible under the circumstances), and knowing they are there to answer any questions we have.
Thursday 12th - Bigger Day!
By the end of today, I really feel like we're on the downhill slope to recovery already! It was another big day - and Mum's birthday to boot. Again, we were up early (5.15am this morning), just because we were awake, and an even longer day at the hospital. We're back home now, after a huge dinner with L, Mum, D (my brother) and T (my brother's girlfriend), and sitting down to watch a bit of Billy T. James (as part of the NZ cultural indoctrination experience for T).
Thursday 12th - Nuclear Medicine
We tried to get into nuclear meds straight after the gyno, and for a moment it looked like we'd be able to. Then the assistant came back to tell us (just caught us before we went down the lift for a coffee) that we'd have to come back at our original time after all because my little appointment would involve quite a few people. So nice of him to catch us, which meant we could plan our day a little bit.
So we went out for a lovely lunch at a cafe in Paddington and looked around the antique shop for a bit until it was time to head back. We managed to find a park near the hosptial that we didn't have to pay for - that was good because the parking was costing about $17 per day.
Back to the hosptial and back to nuclear meds. D rang when we were sitting down outside and we arranged for him to meet us in the hospital that afternoon. I went in again and had the usual name/birthdate/operation questions and they had a nurse and a doctor talk to me about the upcoming procedure and I had to sign another consent form. We all got taken through into the room with a big imaging machine thing and I got to lie down on the narrow bed bit - it was quite nice to lie down as we were exhausted already after the day's activities. Mum and L got to sit.
Then Mum and L had to leave while I had the ultrasound person use the ultrasound to find my cancer, and the doctor injected 4 needles ('north, south, east, west') around the cancer. Ouch to say the least... it was excruciating. I did say a few four letter words as they were doing it. Then I had to massage the liquid in (which I wasn't too keen on to begin with because it was bloody sore), and then they covered me up again with dressing gown and started to take pictures of the liquid draining through my lymph glands to the sentinel node. It wasn't the blue dye as I'd previously thought, but a radioactive fluid to find the sentinel node. The blue dye comes in later, during the actual operation.
That was pretty boring because I had to lie still for 10 minutes, then the nurse came and wiped up some dribble of the liquid on the outside of my breast, and then another 5 minutes, 5 minutes, and 5 minutes. You have to keep having the 3x5 minute pics done every 10 minutes until the liquid drains to the sentinel node. It can take the first run, or it can take several goes at 3x15 minutes. Mum, L, and also D came in after the initial 10 minute one, and I could chat to them as best I could staying still and muffled like a sandwich under the imaging machinery. The first ten minutes was a bit miserable because it hurt like anything and I was by myself. And why is it that one always gets an itchy nose/earlobe when having to stay perfectly still?
Luckily, the sentinal node was found right away - the second fastest the technician has ever seen he reckoned. The doctor then came in then and helped the technician (acutally, the technician helped the doctor) mark 2 spots with permanent marker where tomorrow's surgeons can find the sentinal node to do that biopsy. Then we were pretty much free to go. By then it was about 4.30pm - a hugely long day with so much information. L dropped Mum, D, and I off at home and then he did the grocery shopping for tonight's tea AND he picked up series 3 of Outrageous Fortune for me on DVD (we are so addicted), which we're going to try to put on his iPod so I'll have something to watch while lying awake at night on Friday night. L MIGHT even be able to stay over the night with me - we will ask them if it's possible tomorrow.
So we went out for a lovely lunch at a cafe in Paddington and looked around the antique shop for a bit until it was time to head back. We managed to find a park near the hosptial that we didn't have to pay for - that was good because the parking was costing about $17 per day.
Back to the hosptial and back to nuclear meds. D rang when we were sitting down outside and we arranged for him to meet us in the hospital that afternoon. I went in again and had the usual name/birthdate/operation questions and they had a nurse and a doctor talk to me about the upcoming procedure and I had to sign another consent form. We all got taken through into the room with a big imaging machine thing and I got to lie down on the narrow bed bit - it was quite nice to lie down as we were exhausted already after the day's activities. Mum and L got to sit.
Then Mum and L had to leave while I had the ultrasound person use the ultrasound to find my cancer, and the doctor injected 4 needles ('north, south, east, west') around the cancer. Ouch to say the least... it was excruciating. I did say a few four letter words as they were doing it. Then I had to massage the liquid in (which I wasn't too keen on to begin with because it was bloody sore), and then they covered me up again with dressing gown and started to take pictures of the liquid draining through my lymph glands to the sentinel node. It wasn't the blue dye as I'd previously thought, but a radioactive fluid to find the sentinel node. The blue dye comes in later, during the actual operation.
That was pretty boring because I had to lie still for 10 minutes, then the nurse came and wiped up some dribble of the liquid on the outside of my breast, and then another 5 minutes, 5 minutes, and 5 minutes. You have to keep having the 3x5 minute pics done every 10 minutes until the liquid drains to the sentinel node. It can take the first run, or it can take several goes at 3x15 minutes. Mum, L, and also D came in after the initial 10 minute one, and I could chat to them as best I could staying still and muffled like a sandwich under the imaging machinery. The first ten minutes was a bit miserable because it hurt like anything and I was by myself. And why is it that one always gets an itchy nose/earlobe when having to stay perfectly still?
Luckily, the sentinal node was found right away - the second fastest the technician has ever seen he reckoned. The doctor then came in then and helped the technician (acutally, the technician helped the doctor) mark 2 spots with permanent marker where tomorrow's surgeons can find the sentinal node to do that biopsy. Then we were pretty much free to go. By then it was about 4.30pm - a hugely long day with so much information. L dropped Mum, D, and I off at home and then he did the grocery shopping for tonight's tea AND he picked up series 3 of Outrageous Fortune for me on DVD (we are so addicted), which we're going to try to put on his iPod so I'll have something to watch while lying awake at night on Friday night. L MIGHT even be able to stay over the night with me - we will ask them if it's possible tomorrow.
Thursday 12th - Gyno
Next up was the gyno, Dr Anusch Yazdani, who we were booked to see at 9.15am, and were probably in there by about 9.30. We had a very long and involved talk with him about options after chemo. He seemed to think that it was very likely that I would have chemo, but I'm still remaining hopeful that I won't!
The long and the short of it is that they're going to start me on on a cycle for IVF, so that we can harvest some eggs within the 6 weeks between the operation and the beginning of chemo (the 6 weeks is the normal period before chemo starts). What we will do with those eggs will be decided after the surgery and closer to the time of harvesting. At the moment the most likely scenario is to arrange a romantic date with some of L's little 'guys' and freeze them together for future use. They recommend waiting at least a year after chemo before trying for babies. I'll still probably have a 20% chance of being able to conceive naturally, but it's hard to know at this stage what will happen.
The downside is that it'll cost about $8,000 (AUS) up front, but some of that will be deductible through medicare (probably about $5,000). We look at it like this: Children are pretty expensive as it is - we'll just be starting the cost factor a bit earlier.
The whole thing is pretty amazing, and until 6 months ago it wasn't even available at the RBWH, and apparently it's the only hospital in Queensland, and one of few in Australia, where it can be done on the public system. It does mean that our children will probably have to be born in Australia - I hope you don't hold that against them :-)
We had a bit of a laugh when with the gyno - he did ask some rather 'personal' questions! He'd asked first if we were ok talking to him in front of each other. We'd said yeah, no worries, but hadn't really thought through EXACTLY the kinds of questions he'd ask. Let's just say there are no secrets now!
The long and the short of it is that they're going to start me on on a cycle for IVF, so that we can harvest some eggs within the 6 weeks between the operation and the beginning of chemo (the 6 weeks is the normal period before chemo starts). What we will do with those eggs will be decided after the surgery and closer to the time of harvesting. At the moment the most likely scenario is to arrange a romantic date with some of L's little 'guys' and freeze them together for future use. They recommend waiting at least a year after chemo before trying for babies. I'll still probably have a 20% chance of being able to conceive naturally, but it's hard to know at this stage what will happen.
The downside is that it'll cost about $8,000 (AUS) up front, but some of that will be deductible through medicare (probably about $5,000). We look at it like this: Children are pretty expensive as it is - we'll just be starting the cost factor a bit earlier.
The whole thing is pretty amazing, and until 6 months ago it wasn't even available at the RBWH, and apparently it's the only hospital in Queensland, and one of few in Australia, where it can be done on the public system. It does mean that our children will probably have to be born in Australia - I hope you don't hold that against them :-)
We had a bit of a laugh when with the gyno - he did ask some rather 'personal' questions! He'd asked first if we were ok talking to him in front of each other. We'd said yeah, no worries, but hadn't really thought through EXACTLY the kinds of questions he'd ask. Let's just say there are no secrets now!
Thursday 12th - X-Rays
First off the mark today was a chest x-ray up on Level 3. That was booked in for 8.30am, we got there for 8.15 and I was out of there by about 8.45. That was pretty straight-forward, with me just getting into a blue gown on my top half and standing still for a few seconds. Easy-peasy. Mum and L were with me for most of that, although the waiting area was a bit on the small side, so they were out in the hallway for that. We must have looked a bit funny with the three of us all trooping around together. In NZ it would be pretty normal to have more than one person for support, but I seemed to be the only one in our areas of the RBWH! I felt pretty special.
Wednesday 11th - What's an ANC?
I've learnt a lot about how my body works. Just in case you're wondering what some of the terms are, 'axillary node clearance' (ANC) means taking the lymph nodes from under my arm-pit. 'Auxiliary' means 'armpit' in medi-speak.
Why would they do an axillary clearance? They remove the axillary lymph nodes on the side of the cancer, because if the cancer spreads into the lymph nodes, then it can spread more easily around my body - and we don't want that happening at all!
How do they know if it's spread to my lymph nodes? On the day before the operation (that's Thursday/today now), they inject some blue dye into my breast. Mmmm, nice. Then I massage it in and it is allowed to drain into my lymph nodes. It will drain into the 'sentinel' node, or first node it comes across, which tells us where the cancer has gone/would go (IF it has gone there). Then when I'm under, the surgeons remove that sentinel node (called a 'sentinel node biopsy') and they have a look at it to see if the cancer has spread there.
What happens if it is detected in my sentinel node? If it is detected in my sentinel node, they will then do the auxiliary clearance. They will check the sentinel node right away, while I'm under, and then do the auxiliary clearance then and there if they have to. That was the part I had to give my extra consent for yesterday - I hadn't signed for the "+/- (which means 'maybe') axillary clearance" if the sentinel node biopsy is shown to be positive for cancer.
Where is my sentinel node? The dye will drain into my sentinel node, which is probably under my arm pit, but could also be in the centre of my chest or between my neck and my chest. It depends on which way the dye drains as to which bit they remove and test.
What are the chances? Well, we really don't know at this stage, but I really really hope I don't have to have the axillary clearance. Most breast cancers are to the outer part of the breast, closer to the under arm, which means there is a possibility that the lymph nodes have been affected. But mine's on the inner side, closer to the centre of my chest which means two things. One, that the sentinel node might be closer to my sternum (breast bone), not in the usual spot under the arm. And two, that it's slightly less likely that it's spread to the lymph nodes under my arm because of the position. All will be revealed during the operation - and I'll find out when I wake up.
What does it mean to have an axillary clearance? The axillary clearance won't really affect me in the long term. I have enough lymph nodes to keep doing their job, which is a kind of barrier/protection for my body. I might get some nasty swelling (which is why they measured my arm yesterday). One really interesting thing though, is that from now on I have to have all injections, blood pressure tests, blood tests, etc in my right arm, not my left (the left breast is the one being operated on).
Why would they do an axillary clearance? They remove the axillary lymph nodes on the side of the cancer, because if the cancer spreads into the lymph nodes, then it can spread more easily around my body - and we don't want that happening at all!
How do they know if it's spread to my lymph nodes? On the day before the operation (that's Thursday/today now), they inject some blue dye into my breast. Mmmm, nice. Then I massage it in and it is allowed to drain into my lymph nodes. It will drain into the 'sentinel' node, or first node it comes across, which tells us where the cancer has gone/would go (IF it has gone there). Then when I'm under, the surgeons remove that sentinel node (called a 'sentinel node biopsy') and they have a look at it to see if the cancer has spread there.
What happens if it is detected in my sentinel node? If it is detected in my sentinel node, they will then do the auxiliary clearance. They will check the sentinel node right away, while I'm under, and then do the auxiliary clearance then and there if they have to. That was the part I had to give my extra consent for yesterday - I hadn't signed for the "+/- (which means 'maybe') axillary clearance" if the sentinel node biopsy is shown to be positive for cancer.
Where is my sentinel node? The dye will drain into my sentinel node, which is probably under my arm pit, but could also be in the centre of my chest or between my neck and my chest. It depends on which way the dye drains as to which bit they remove and test.
What are the chances? Well, we really don't know at this stage, but I really really hope I don't have to have the axillary clearance. Most breast cancers are to the outer part of the breast, closer to the under arm, which means there is a possibility that the lymph nodes have been affected. But mine's on the inner side, closer to the centre of my chest which means two things. One, that the sentinel node might be closer to my sternum (breast bone), not in the usual spot under the arm. And two, that it's slightly less likely that it's spread to the lymph nodes under my arm because of the position. All will be revealed during the operation - and I'll find out when I wake up.
What does it mean to have an axillary clearance? The axillary clearance won't really affect me in the long term. I have enough lymph nodes to keep doing their job, which is a kind of barrier/protection for my body. I might get some nasty swelling (which is why they measured my arm yesterday). One really interesting thing though, is that from now on I have to have all injections, blood pressure tests, blood tests, etc in my right arm, not my left (the left breast is the one being operated on).
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Wednesday 11th - Whanau support group
It was so great having Mum and L there. Even though it must have been pretty boring for them, it was still so good just having them sitting with me. They were allowed into all of my mini-appointments and also could ask questions as well.
I really didn't think what a difference it would make having my 'whanau support group' with me, but it really did make me feel so much more relaxed and less overwhelmed/overawed by it all. I'm pretty sure I could also feel all those positive vibes and happy thoughts which are being sent in my direction from around the world as well.
I think it might be time to go to bed now! I was awake before it was even daylight this morning, which is pretty early in this part of the globe, and to begin with I was feeling a little bit miserable. But then I felt better by the time L went to the supermarket for some yummy breakfast goodies and have been feeling pretty chirpy all day.
Another big day tomorrow, but I know I can get through it. It all feels rather like clockwork and the systems are all in place for making it a smooth journey for me and everyone around me.
I really didn't think what a difference it would make having my 'whanau support group' with me, but it really did make me feel so much more relaxed and less overwhelmed/overawed by it all. I'm pretty sure I could also feel all those positive vibes and happy thoughts which are being sent in my direction from around the world as well.
I think it might be time to go to bed now! I was awake before it was even daylight this morning, which is pretty early in this part of the globe, and to begin with I was feeling a little bit miserable. But then I felt better by the time L went to the supermarket for some yummy breakfast goodies and have been feeling pretty chirpy all day.
Another big day tomorrow, but I know I can get through it. It all feels rather like clockwork and the systems are all in place for making it a smooth journey for me and everyone around me.
Wednesday 11th - Finally
We finished up at about 5pm, and had to wait for the nurse to tell us that it was ok to go. They booked me in for an 8.30am appointment for my chest x-ray, because I have an appointment with the fertility specialist at 9.15am and then an appointment with Nuclear Meds at 2.30pm.
Another big day! The chest x-ray is just to make sure everything is all good with my lungs for the anaesthetic. The fertility specialist is to talk about the possibility of harvesting some of my eggs for future use, in case I have to go down the chemo route (it's a kind of 'insurance' for future fertility, as chemo can affect fertility). If we do decide to do that, then it looks like they may be able to do it at the same time (or just before) the breast surgery operation - all while I'm under the gas. Then the nuclear meds is to talk about radiation therapy and chemotherapy.
Another big day! The chest x-ray is just to make sure everything is all good with my lungs for the anaesthetic. The fertility specialist is to talk about the possibility of harvesting some of my eggs for future use, in case I have to go down the chemo route (it's a kind of 'insurance' for future fertility, as chemo can affect fertility). If we do decide to do that, then it looks like they may be able to do it at the same time (or just before) the breast surgery operation - all while I'm under the gas. Then the nuclear meds is to talk about radiation therapy and chemotherapy.
Wednesday 11th - Bloods
Fifth was the blood test, which the doctor had written me up for earlier in the day. I also had the paperwork for a chest x-ray, but by the time we were done it was 10 to five and they were almost shutting up shop. I popped through to get my blood test, and the nurse who did it was so great.
She was so calm and did the needle so quickly and when she changed the vials I couldn't even feel it. Usually I am a total wreck at blood tests, but this was the first one when I didn't even feel woozy. Amazing! And because she was so good and because it was my first 'procedure' at the hospital, I felt so much better about the whole thing. I really feel like I'm in good capable hands. As Dad said, they've all done it many times before, it's just me who hasn't!
She was so calm and did the needle so quickly and when she changed the vials I couldn't even feel it. Usually I am a total wreck at blood tests, but this was the first one when I didn't even feel woozy. Amazing! And because she was so good and because it was my first 'procedure' at the hospital, I felt so much better about the whole thing. I really feel like I'm in good capable hands. As Dad said, they've all done it many times before, it's just me who hasn't!
Wednesday 11th - Anaesthetist
Fourth was the anaesthetist, who ran through what will happen on the way in and out of theatre, possible situations with anaesthetic (theatre is the best place to be if you happen to go into anaphylatic shock). He also asked me questions about breathing, listened to my lungs (it must have been a long day for him because he said 'ok, now deep breaths though your lungs', when he meant to say 'through your mouth', but it was funny and we all had a laugh), got me to tip my head back to check my extension, asked me questions about my teeth, and looked at the backs of my hands (he looked very happy when he saw my nice blue veins all ready for the drip). He also said that it would be very very unlikely for me to be awake during surgery (which is one of my irrational fears). He also told me that just before I went into the operating theatre, he'd give me something to make me feel 'happy about the world'. So that was all good.
Wednesday 11th - Doctor No2
Second was the doctor, part of the surgical team, who asked me questions about my medical history, any current medication, height, weight, etc, and I had to say what operation I was having 'in my own words'.
She also talked about the procedure and we had a little discussion about whether an auxillary clearance (which means taking away the lymph nodes under the arm pit) would be done on-the-spot if necessary or later. Seems the first doctor didn't write that on the consent form, even though it was on the main page about my operation and his notes. So we amended the consent form so that it included the "+/- auxillary clearance" part.
She also talked about the procedure and we had a little discussion about whether an auxillary clearance (which means taking away the lymph nodes under the arm pit) would be done on-the-spot if necessary or later. Seems the first doctor didn't write that on the consent form, even though it was on the main page about my operation and his notes. So we amended the consent form so that it included the "+/- auxillary clearance" part.
Wednesday 11th - Physio
Third was the physio, and she measured my arms in length and circumfrence, so that if I have any swelling later, they can measure that against the original measurements. She also checked my arm mobility and extension (all a-ok and apparently I'm very symmetrical!), also to refer back to if I have any problems, such as swelling or restriction of movement) in the future.
She also showed me exercises to do as soon as I wake up (ankle and wrist rotations, finger stretching and deep breathing), and further exercises to do as my wound is healing. She also gave me a booklet for further info and has arranged for me to see another physio after the operation to show me more exercises and even more for after the drain is removed. Apparently the second physio is the top physio in Australia for breast/surgery/recovery. So that's good! We didn't say anything about Mum being a physio :-)
She also showed me exercises to do as soon as I wake up (ankle and wrist rotations, finger stretching and deep breathing), and further exercises to do as my wound is healing. She also gave me a booklet for further info and has arranged for me to see another physio after the operation to show me more exercises and even more for after the drain is removed. Apparently the second physio is the top physio in Australia for breast/surgery/recovery. So that's good! We didn't say anything about Mum being a physio :-)
Wednesday 11th - Breast Nurse
One o'clock was my appointment time, and I got to see 5 different people today. First was a breast nurse, who asked me questions about my medical history, any current medication, height, weight, etc, and I had to say what operation I was having 'in my own words'. It wasn't Patsy, who I'd spoken to previously on the phone, because she was away at a conference. Patsy seems to be the chief organiser but this nurse was very nice. She also gave me a special pretty little bag to hold my drain-bag in over my shoulder, and a lovely little pillow for propping my arm up. That was really nice and made it feel like a human touch. Mine had even been picked out and labelled especially for me by Patsy. The bag was white with pink flowers and a matching pink cushion. It was provided by Zonta, and free for me to keep and use. Really practical and nice at the same time.
Wednesday 11th - Big Day
Wow, what a full on day. Mum arrived from NZ at about 9am this morning - a super early start for her as NZ is 3 hours behind and she must have landed in Brizzy at least an hour before she got to ours. (Brisbane is about a 3 hour flight from Wellington.)
We kept ourselves busy in the morning by going to Indooroopilly and shopping for some new pyjamas for me, which we got a Peter Alexander. We got a nice baggy teeshirt top to go with them, with room for a drain if necessary. They are very cute and they even match the pyjama-cardigan I already had from Dad, but haven't worn because it's been too hot! I'm guessing the hospital will be air-conditioned cool, so probably quite cold at night compared with what we've been used to.
We kept ourselves busy in the morning by going to Indooroopilly and shopping for some new pyjamas for me, which we got a Peter Alexander. We got a nice baggy teeshirt top to go with them, with room for a drain if necessary. They are very cute and they even match the pyjama-cardigan I already had from Dad, but haven't worn because it's been too hot! I'm guessing the hospital will be air-conditioned cool, so probably quite cold at night compared with what we've been used to.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Tuesday 10th - How many nights?
At first I was told one, possibly two nights. But today the nurse said on the phone that it will be two nights. So that's the 13th and the 14th. I'll find out where I am and visiting hours because I'd love to see you (at this stage!). I wonder if I'm allowed to take in a portable CD player for those boring hours of not doing anything...? Do you think they have wireless internet available? :-)
Tuesday 10th - Work II
Finished up at work today, for the next wee while. I had a 6 week contract with them, and this is week 4. I've got too much on with hospital appointments as well as being able to get my head around teaching. I'm not sure how long it will take after the operation for me to be up and back at work, but they said probably 2 weeks as a minimum.
So, I had to wind things up with work and get things prepared for the teacher who's taking over from me. I feel bad about leaving them in the lurch a bit, but it's all been so sudden. It was kind of hard leaving the building today, because it signified that the operation itself is getting closer and more of a reality.
I told a couple of the teachers at break why I'm taking the time off, and one of them was so sweet - she bought me some flowers and left them on my desk. I told the students that I have to go in to hospital, but didn't go into any detail. They've been really good about it and nice at work, but I'm still 'new' there and probably haven't made much of an impression because I've been so quiet!
So, I had to wind things up with work and get things prepared for the teacher who's taking over from me. I feel bad about leaving them in the lurch a bit, but it's all been so sudden. It was kind of hard leaving the building today, because it signified that the operation itself is getting closer and more of a reality.
I told a couple of the teachers at break why I'm taking the time off, and one of them was so sweet - she bought me some flowers and left them on my desk. I told the students that I have to go in to hospital, but didn't go into any detail. They've been really good about it and nice at work, but I'm still 'new' there and probably haven't made much of an impression because I've been so quiet!
Tuesday 10th - Meetings and more meetings
Had a phone call from the hospital today. It's all go go go. Got my appointment tomorrow (Wednesday) with the physio, breast nurse and anaesthetist. I think there might be a meeting with the gyno too, to talk about the possibility of fertility issues if we have to go down the chemo path. I really really hope that is not the case. It's all a bit mind-numbing still.
Then on Thursday I have an appointment with the Nuclear Medicines people. The lovely lady on the phone told me what that was about, but I didn't really take it in. I had to talk in the staffroom at work, as there was nowhere private to go in the building, so I had to keep it brief and to the point. She did tell me that I will have my op on Friday morning, which means a 6.30am start at the hospital; nil by mouth from midnight the night before.
She also told me about the drips I'll have and reiterated the possibility of lymph-node removal. I'm worried about that too. I hope they don't have to cut all those out, but I guess they gotta do what they gotta do. I hope I don't have a too-overly ambitious surgeon with the cutting part!
Then on Thursday I have an appointment with the Nuclear Medicines people. The lovely lady on the phone told me what that was about, but I didn't really take it in. I had to talk in the staffroom at work, as there was nowhere private to go in the building, so I had to keep it brief and to the point. She did tell me that I will have my op on Friday morning, which means a 6.30am start at the hospital; nil by mouth from midnight the night before.
She also told me about the drips I'll have and reiterated the possibility of lymph-node removal. I'm worried about that too. I hope they don't have to cut all those out, but I guess they gotta do what they gotta do. I hope I don't have a too-overly ambitious surgeon with the cutting part!
Monday 9th - Surgery Worries
It sounds crazy and extremely vain, but I'm worried about how my breast will look after the surgery. I really hope they do a nice tidy job and the scar isn't too big! And there isn't a big gaping hole. The area is on the 'inside', ie right where any low-cut top would expose some skin. I guess when it comes down to it, there are more important things than wearing low-cut tops, but I LIKE my breasts the way they are and I've always been terrified of having surgery on them (I could never bring myself to watch those TV shows about cosmetic surgery where they show the cutting). I did ask if there is any possibility of me going in for the 'lumpectomy' and waking up with no breast, but they said no, that wouldn't happen. They'd consult me before doing that. Whew!
Monday 9th - First Appointment at the RBWH
Today was my appointment with the specialist at the Royal Brisbane and Women's Hospital. The appointment time was for 2.45pm, and L and I arrived in good time to an empty waiting area, thinking oh yeah, no-one else here. Then we were directed around the corner to the main waiting area... and it was chock-a-block full. I was so glad I'd brought my book as we waited for an hour and a half before seeing the specialist.
The specialist pretty much confirmed what we already knew - that I'll have to have surgery to remove the cancer. The options are A. mastectomy (breast removal), and B. breast conservation surgery ("lumpectomy") plus radiation therapy. Further down the track could be chemotherapy or hormone therapy. Fortunately at this stage they are opting for option B!
But it means about a 4cm area will be removed, which isn't small. They have to take the yucky bit (2cm) plus another area around that. Imagine an egg with the yolk and white. They also are going to take a sample lymph node to see if it's spread into that area. If it has, then they will also have to remove my lymph nodes from under my arm-pit (which I'm not particularly keen on as it doesn't sound very nice).
The most amazing thing is that the surgery will be this FRIDAY. I'm happy that it's soon, and it's only just enough time to get my head around it. I have a pre-surgery appointment on Wednesday with the breast nurse, anaesthetist, and physio to talk to me about things.
Then I'll be admitted on Friday and the surgery will take place that day. I'll stay in overnight on Friday night and possibly Saturday night (but unlikely). It will be my first time having a general anaesthetic since I was a wee thing and the first time staying overnight in hospital since I was born. I'm rather nervous about the whole thing.
The specialist pretty much confirmed what we already knew - that I'll have to have surgery to remove the cancer. The options are A. mastectomy (breast removal), and B. breast conservation surgery ("lumpectomy") plus radiation therapy. Further down the track could be chemotherapy or hormone therapy. Fortunately at this stage they are opting for option B!
But it means about a 4cm area will be removed, which isn't small. They have to take the yucky bit (2cm) plus another area around that. Imagine an egg with the yolk and white. They also are going to take a sample lymph node to see if it's spread into that area. If it has, then they will also have to remove my lymph nodes from under my arm-pit (which I'm not particularly keen on as it doesn't sound very nice).
The most amazing thing is that the surgery will be this FRIDAY. I'm happy that it's soon, and it's only just enough time to get my head around it. I have a pre-surgery appointment on Wednesday with the breast nurse, anaesthetist, and physio to talk to me about things.
Then I'll be admitted on Friday and the surgery will take place that day. I'll stay in overnight on Friday night and possibly Saturday night (but unlikely). It will be my first time having a general anaesthetic since I was a wee thing and the first time staying overnight in hospital since I was born. I'm rather nervous about the whole thing.
Friday, February 6, 2009
Thursday 5th - Blues
Started feeling a bit blue yesterday afternoon - I think now that the appointment is really coming up, I'm getting nervous/anxious about the outcome. Met with a friend for coffee yesterday morning and had a good heart to heart about how things suddenly get swept out from under your feet. That was really good to have a chat about it.
Still feeling a bit flat this morning, but looking forward to a relaxing weekend. I've had no energy to do things like housework, so the weekend will be spent doing several loads of washing! L's been wonderful but he also works long days. He's taken care of all the grocery shopping and cooking this week. I've been sleeping well, almost too much... on Wednesday I slept in until 9am (I start work at 11am) and still found it a struggle to get out of bed.
My breast continues to be a bit sore, but I suspect that's still bruising from the biopsy. I guess more will be revealed on Monday. Text messages and emails have been great and have kept me going. I haven't done ANY exercise at all - I've really lost the motivation for that. I should get back onto it soon I guess. I've been eating OK, normal meals as usual. In a few seconds I'll go from feeling hungry to feeling nauseous to feeling not hungry or the reverse. No doubt that's nerves!
Still feeling a bit flat this morning, but looking forward to a relaxing weekend. I've had no energy to do things like housework, so the weekend will be spent doing several loads of washing! L's been wonderful but he also works long days. He's taken care of all the grocery shopping and cooking this week. I've been sleeping well, almost too much... on Wednesday I slept in until 9am (I start work at 11am) and still found it a struggle to get out of bed.
My breast continues to be a bit sore, but I suspect that's still bruising from the biopsy. I guess more will be revealed on Monday. Text messages and emails have been great and have kept me going. I haven't done ANY exercise at all - I've really lost the motivation for that. I should get back onto it soon I guess. I've been eating OK, normal meals as usual. In a few seconds I'll go from feeling hungry to feeling nauseous to feeling not hungry or the reverse. No doubt that's nerves!
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Tuesday 3rd - Thanks!
Thanks a million for getting in touch with your best wishes and positive vibes! I really really appreciate it! I'm sorry if I've been slow in responding to some of you - most nights I'm busy on the phone or skype, email, chat, internet research, etc... talking to friends and family. Plus doing the odd bit of preparation for teaching. And some L-time too :-)
Tuesday 3rd - Costs
Many thanks to you who were able to answer my questions about the cost! I had no idea how it worked here, and it seems that medicare (ie government) will pay for pretty everything which is done at the hospital. I'm on public healthcare - of course.
Monday 2nd - Work
My boss at work approached me this evening and we had a really good chat about it too. She has had some people close to her go through the same thing, and it was really really nice to talk to her and feel supported at work as well. She said that I can come talk to her anytime, which made me feel good. Another friend sent me the sweetest message as well - she's gone through something similar and it's nice to know that there are others out there who have experienced something like this. Make sure YOU also talk to friends and family too if you feel the need to talk about how you feel.
Early days - Hopes / Fears
I'm really really hoping that the procedure will just be a 'lumpectomy', where they remove the yucky cells and perhaps a bit around the edges just to be sure. The bad bit is at "10 - 11 o'clock" on my right breast, which is facing the middle, if you know what I mean. The good news (so far) is that it's not close in to my arm pit. The guy on the cancer helpline even said that it's not likely to 'travel', because of the type that it is. Interestingly enough, he also said it's not a genetic/hereditary type, so good news also for my female relatives. Of course, they have no idea what's caused it, and neither do I. It's just "one of those things".
Early days - My partner
L is going to come with me to all appointments. A very good friend recommended to always take someone with me, as I might not catch everything the doctors tell me at the time. Two sets of ears are better than one. He has been an absolute rock and hasn't said a word about my lack of enthusiasm to follow up on chores and housework. Dinner has been cooked, cups of tea made, shopping done. It's something that he also has to deal with and get through, and he's been just great.
Early days - Babies?
Some of you have also been asking about fertility issues, especially concerning chemotherapy. Prolonged use of chemotherapy can lead to infertility, either temporary or permanent. I'm truly hoping that we won't have to get to that point, but if we do, then there are options like egg-freezing, embryo-freezing, and the like. We'll see what happens on Monday.
Early days - New Zealand?
Several people have been asking if we're coming home to NZ for treatment. That was the first question I asked my doctor - should I go back to NZ for this? After getting our heads around everything, we've decided that for the moment we're staying in Australia. This is 'home' for now, and we don't see any reason (yet!) to uproot ourselves from here. Apparently Australia's a great place to be for cancer research and treatment, which is a good thing! I might make a visit over if there is time before the surgery, but we'll see how things pan out.
Early days - Cancer Council
Last night I had a really good talk to the Cancer Council Queensland people on their helpline/hotline, and they were really really helpful and reassuring. At the moment it seems like it's forever until I get an appointment to see a specialist at the hospital, but they reassured me that the doctors etc are familiar with what we're dealing with here and they're on to it. If you have any questions about cancer, definitely give your local helpline a call. The Australian National Breast and Ovarian Cancer website is really helpful - especially the 'search' option.
Early days - Appointment!
I got a letter today from the hospital, saying that my appointment with the specialist at the hospital will be on Monday, 9th February... less than a week away! I'm excited that it's coming around quickly and nervous of course at the same time. I just want them to get it out and get it out fast! Hopefully the treatment won't involve chemotherapy, but if it does, that will be a bridge to cross when we come to it.
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