Our neighbour, J, cooked us dinner on Monday night. It was fabulous. And tonight, E & A are bringing dinner. D brought us lunch today. Tomorrow we decided to keep free in case we happen to get news at the hospital, and it's not good news. I don't think we will get news though - this time it's appointments with the physio to check my movement and if there is any swelling, and also with the wonderful breast nurse, Patsy, and hopefully to get my drain out.
Not a lot of fluid has gone into the drain bag in the last 48 hours, which is good. If it's more than 40mls in 24 hours, then they like to keep it in. I think I've emitted about 40mls or less in the last 72 hours, so yay. I've got myself a hook for the bag - one of the S shaped kitchen hooks, which is great for in the bathroom for hooking over the towel rail or in the shower for hooking onto the shower caddy. I also wear a dressing gown belt with it attached, but that got a bit annoying. The hook is great, but I have to remember that I'm 'attached'.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Tuesday 3rd - Reprieve
Our landlord has agreed to us staying on for a month longer! Yaaaay! So that means we're out on 7th May instead of 7th April. That gives us an extra month's breathing space. Thank goodness for that and thank goodness for Michelle at Space and our very kind landlord.
Tuesday 3rd - Lunch
D brought lunch over today, which was lovely. I am so tired at the moment. I managed to get up and have some lunch but I can't say I was much company. L's also been complaining of tiredness too - it must be catching! I guess it's so emotionally draining as well as physically draining. I was thinking about having another nap, but I might try having a shower instead to freshen up a bit.
It was nice to see D and he showed us his new game that he's working on and his new tools for working on it. L and I had some cuddles and patched things up a bit and he said sorry.
D said that Dad's coming over next week but we haven't got any dates yet, which is a little bit frustrating.
L's talking about going back to work. Tomorrow's the appt at the hospital. Just a check up with the physio and hopefully to get the drain out. We've got an appointment to view a house tomorrow at 4pm, for a rental. The place next door is still up for rent, at $280, which is not bad considering that we're going to be on one income. Hard to know what to do.
Had another go at going to the toilet again, but without much luck. Very painful! The side effects of movocol stuff for constipation is explosive diarrhea and I think I'd prefer that to what's happening at the moment.
It was nice to see D and he showed us his new game that he's working on and his new tools for working on it. L and I had some cuddles and patched things up a bit and he said sorry.
D said that Dad's coming over next week but we haven't got any dates yet, which is a little bit frustrating.
L's talking about going back to work. Tomorrow's the appt at the hospital. Just a check up with the physio and hopefully to get the drain out. We've got an appointment to view a house tomorrow at 4pm, for a rental. The place next door is still up for rent, at $280, which is not bad considering that we're going to be on one income. Hard to know what to do.
Had another go at going to the toilet again, but without much luck. Very painful! The side effects of movocol stuff for constipation is explosive diarrhea and I think I'd prefer that to what's happening at the moment.
Tuesday 3rd - Exhausted
I'm lying on the couch. It's more comfortable for me than the bed as the back of the couch and the firm cushions help to support my back and my arm and the drain. I'm so exhausted that I can't move. It's very likely to do with the panadol I took at 9.40am (keeping a record of those so I don't overdo it). It's been a hard morning, especially because of the very very bad constipation I had from the other painkillers. The doctors warned me to keep a high-fibre diet. Here's me thinking a few spoonsful of metamucil might do the trick. Wrong. I must have been in there for an hour, in absolute agony and exhaustion. got help me if I ever have to give birth. L was kind enough to go to the supermarket and get a kiwifruit for me to help but while he was out I managed to help myself a bit. Yes, it was disgusting but I did get some rocks out plus a bit of blood too.
Back to the couch. I'm lying down and I can't speak, I can't open my eyes. All I want to do is to slip my mind away from the pain and the frustration and the weird pricklying sensations under my arm, and the drain and my sore arm muscles and my headache. Lying on the couch, with the breeze from the pedesatal fan on me, at least that part feels nice. I can hear L doing the dishes, on the phone to his brother S, asking S to ring back because he has to go to the toilet, going to the toilet, talking to S again about jobs, how much are you getting, you should go to Auckland, cousin C owes me a favour, he's probably out surfing, ring these guys I worked for, they might be ok or maybe not because I hooked C up with them and I don't know if he's ruined my name now, etc. L's voice fades away and I hear him tapping on the keys in the study. Finally, finally, I slip into a blissful painfree sleep.
It seems like a few seconds later: come one, wake up, would you like a cup of tea, how about a drink, you should drink something. Internally I panic and think I've been asleep for hours and hours. I'm so knackered and all I want to do is go back to that blissful non-existence. I don't want a cup of tea. No. Come on, sit up, it will be good for you to get up. I do manage to croak: Fuck off, and the strength it takes me to say something promptly makes me cry, hiccoughy sobs which pull on my drain and make my muscles ache (in my defense, I'd been watching a LOT of Outrageous Fortune). I ask what the time is: not yet 12. So I've been lying like a vegetable for about an hour and sleeping for less than that. I am so angry but I can't move. I can't do anything. I lie there listening to the tap drip and eventually figure it out.
This was the same as yesterday. I was resting on the couch and L wanted me to rest in bed. The last place I wanted to be was back in bed where I'd had possibly the most uncomfortable night's sleep and a sore back from lying in one position. But he wanted to play his xbox game. As soon as I did get up yesterday, on went the game. God knows why he can't hook it up to the other TV which is sitting in our room doing nothing? But now, today, I was so mad, with being woken up plus the tap's drip drip dripping, that I manage to get up and go to the bedroom, saying that all I want is to sleep in peace and to get better and you can have what you want the couch and your precious game. He shouted back that he was trying to help me and if I didn't want his help then he wouldn't give it... or something to that effect, probably harsher but I have this great knack of being able to instantly forget nasty things that people say to me. I'm pretty sure there were a few expletives in there. I did manage to lie on the bed (whose sheets have been promised to be changed for 2 days now... perhaps later I'll be up to that task), but couldn't sleep...
Fortunately, my mind was almost blank, I could look up into my brain and it looked exactly like a grey London sky with nothing in it whatsoever. I heard my phone ring and L speak to D about D coming over. I knew D was bringing lunch, which is why I wanted to rest as much as possible before then. I did get up, got myself a drink (opening the bottle was tricky), put my pyjama pants back on and came in here to work it out. A few minutes ago, I had an apologetic L come in saying yes he'd look after me. I'd prefer that to be on my terms, not his, but we'll see how things go. I've also decided to send him a bunch of flowers to say thank you for looking after me. He is the kind of person who needs a lot of thanks and positive feedback about the work he's doing. It's the same at his work - if he doesn't get regular praise from his boss/workers, he thinks they are plotting against him. I should have seen this coming, but to be honest, I've been bloody exhausted.
(While I'm on the predictions path, the next thing will be the course he's been doing. I bet he'll get to the end of this week and won't have worked on the course and then he'll berate himself for not doing it and how everything is going shit right now and he just can't seem to get a grip on his life and it's been like that for a while, everything's going wrong, something is working against us, doesn't know how to make it go away. It's been like that since we met - I sometimes wonder if I'm the thing which is holding him back. I'f he'd not met me, he'd have his own house by now... and his savings wouldn't be sucked away into looking after the invalid.)
Back to the couch. I'm lying down and I can't speak, I can't open my eyes. All I want to do is to slip my mind away from the pain and the frustration and the weird pricklying sensations under my arm, and the drain and my sore arm muscles and my headache. Lying on the couch, with the breeze from the pedesatal fan on me, at least that part feels nice. I can hear L doing the dishes, on the phone to his brother S, asking S to ring back because he has to go to the toilet, going to the toilet, talking to S again about jobs, how much are you getting, you should go to Auckland, cousin C owes me a favour, he's probably out surfing, ring these guys I worked for, they might be ok or maybe not because I hooked C up with them and I don't know if he's ruined my name now, etc. L's voice fades away and I hear him tapping on the keys in the study. Finally, finally, I slip into a blissful painfree sleep.
It seems like a few seconds later: come one, wake up, would you like a cup of tea, how about a drink, you should drink something. Internally I panic and think I've been asleep for hours and hours. I'm so knackered and all I want to do is go back to that blissful non-existence. I don't want a cup of tea. No. Come on, sit up, it will be good for you to get up. I do manage to croak: Fuck off, and the strength it takes me to say something promptly makes me cry, hiccoughy sobs which pull on my drain and make my muscles ache (in my defense, I'd been watching a LOT of Outrageous Fortune). I ask what the time is: not yet 12. So I've been lying like a vegetable for about an hour and sleeping for less than that. I am so angry but I can't move. I can't do anything. I lie there listening to the tap drip and eventually figure it out.
This was the same as yesterday. I was resting on the couch and L wanted me to rest in bed. The last place I wanted to be was back in bed where I'd had possibly the most uncomfortable night's sleep and a sore back from lying in one position. But he wanted to play his xbox game. As soon as I did get up yesterday, on went the game. God knows why he can't hook it up to the other TV which is sitting in our room doing nothing? But now, today, I was so mad, with being woken up plus the tap's drip drip dripping, that I manage to get up and go to the bedroom, saying that all I want is to sleep in peace and to get better and you can have what you want the couch and your precious game. He shouted back that he was trying to help me and if I didn't want his help then he wouldn't give it... or something to that effect, probably harsher but I have this great knack of being able to instantly forget nasty things that people say to me. I'm pretty sure there were a few expletives in there. I did manage to lie on the bed (whose sheets have been promised to be changed for 2 days now... perhaps later I'll be up to that task), but couldn't sleep...
Fortunately, my mind was almost blank, I could look up into my brain and it looked exactly like a grey London sky with nothing in it whatsoever. I heard my phone ring and L speak to D about D coming over. I knew D was bringing lunch, which is why I wanted to rest as much as possible before then. I did get up, got myself a drink (opening the bottle was tricky), put my pyjama pants back on and came in here to work it out. A few minutes ago, I had an apologetic L come in saying yes he'd look after me. I'd prefer that to be on my terms, not his, but we'll see how things go. I've also decided to send him a bunch of flowers to say thank you for looking after me. He is the kind of person who needs a lot of thanks and positive feedback about the work he's doing. It's the same at his work - if he doesn't get regular praise from his boss/workers, he thinks they are plotting against him. I should have seen this coming, but to be honest, I've been bloody exhausted.
(While I'm on the predictions path, the next thing will be the course he's been doing. I bet he'll get to the end of this week and won't have worked on the course and then he'll berate himself for not doing it and how everything is going shit right now and he just can't seem to get a grip on his life and it's been like that for a while, everything's going wrong, something is working against us, doesn't know how to make it go away. It's been like that since we met - I sometimes wonder if I'm the thing which is holding him back. I'f he'd not met me, he'd have his own house by now... and his savings wouldn't be sucked away into looking after the invalid.)
Monday, March 2, 2009
Monday 2nd - Calmer!
I got over my housecleaning frenzy and that was all good. J came over and cooked us dinner, which was awesome. Actually, she'd cooked it all at her place and just came to heat up the delicious sauce and put the spaghetti on. That was great - I just wish we weren't all so tired and then we could have had even better conversation. But we had a great, quiet, stimulating night in.
Tomorrow, D's coming over and bringing us lunch and then E and A are going to bring us dinner! We are so lucky to be surrounded by such caring people. I also had a nice little catch up with my friend EB (in Dublin) via Skype as well. That was really neat too. Got to love the internet and skype and the likes for instant contact.
Tonight Suki's outside and Zoxy's in. It's good when they can kind of tag-team, one out, one in. Then we don't have to worry about them fighting. They are getting better and better at tolerating each other. Perhaps tomorrow we'll try a day when they're both inside, with us to keep an eye on them. Must go to bed now for some much-needed L cuddles. For both of us :-)
Tomorrow, D's coming over and bringing us lunch and then E and A are going to bring us dinner! We are so lucky to be surrounded by such caring people. I also had a nice little catch up with my friend EB (in Dublin) via Skype as well. That was really neat too. Got to love the internet and skype and the likes for instant contact.
Tonight Suki's outside and Zoxy's in. It's good when they can kind of tag-team, one out, one in. Then we don't have to worry about them fighting. They are getting better and better at tolerating each other. Perhaps tomorrow we'll try a day when they're both inside, with us to keep an eye on them. Must go to bed now for some much-needed L cuddles. For both of us :-)
Monday 2nd - IVF
Went to see the IVF guy today. Was running a bit late because I'd gone back to bed after my alarm went off and then I overslept. It also took a bit longer for me to have a shower and to get dressed (that was a bit of a mission) than expected. More later... gotta shower before J our wonderful neighbour comes over with our dinner.
Monday 2nd - Grrr
I'm getting my days mixed up. Today is Monday and I keep thinking it's Tuesday.
I finally buckled and scrubbed the bathroom from top to toe today. I couldn't stand it any more. It was on my to-do list of cleaning tasks before I went in to hospital on Friday but although I vacuumed and dusted the house and cleaned the kitchen, the bathroom I just didn't get to. It was promised it would be done on Friday/Saturday when I was in hospital but I just had this feeling...
Anyway, seeing as I am feeling like shit, I got sick of living in shit so while L played his xbox game, I got down and dirty. It was so disgusting and it smelt baaaad. Well, it was a week overdue for its weekly clean. I'd had a sleep this afternoon anyways. And six solid hours during the night was good. Then I went outside and scrubbed the disgusting maggot-ridden rubbish bin which had been sitting outside for several days, waiting for the ants to eat the maggots. Well, the ants had finished with the tasty bits a few days ago and left the sticky egg-shells, so I worked hard at getting those off with disinfectant and then jif. The bin, the bucket and the lid. All done now though and it feels soooo much better to be in a semi-clean house when you're sick and feeling yucky yourself. L came in to help with the bathroom, and he had mad an effort to start cleaning it the other day but had stopped when I complained about the nasty chlorine smell of the new superpoerful spray he'd bought. I don't know what was srong with jif and a bit of elbow grease, but there you go. Oh I am sooo tired now.
He also had a go about not getting enough support from Dad and D. Well, I feel absolutely fine about the emails and gmail chats and phone calls I get form them. It's probably more than what we would normally do, depending on how busy we are. I do usually chat to Mum more on skype anyways, cancer or not. So L was comparing how much Mum makes contact with how much Dad makes contact - something which had never entered into my head as it wasn't something I had even thought about or had an issue with. But it must have been noted by him and he has an issue with it. We're not the kind of family which lives in each other's back pockets though, and because there are fewer of us, it probably feels like we make contact less often. He often asks whether (my) family members have made contact and asks why they have or haven't. He's also questioned (twice in two days) why my parents haven't sent me any flowers. What the ?!?!!?! As much as it's nice to receive flowers, I'd much rather they (parents) spent money on phone calls! Flowers are the last thing I'd expect from them at all. The only flowers from family members I have received are from ones who are living overseas, which was lovely but certainly doesn't. And who is he to question how other people choose to support me? I didn't take to well to him criticising my family's actions at all. If I don't have a problem with it, why raise the issue? I have asked him to think carefully about some things he says before he says them because although they may relate to me, they may not be things I am ready to discuss at the time or things which may unnecessarily upset me. I wonder if he's talked to the cancer council people yet? He was very supportinve and good the other day when I was having a mini-break-down. Seriously though, I think I've been coping relatively well so far. I'm a bit worried about when the hormones kick in for the next lot of IVF drugs though. Then I'm going to be like I'm prementstrual for 14 days straight. I'm not looking forward to it at all. I've decided to stop asking for help. He doesn't pre-empt it a lot of the time and I am sick of asking because I feel like I'm nagging or pointing out his inabilities/shortcomings. He already had a go at me earlier telling me that obviously his best wasn't good enough for me. I told him to pull his head out of his arsehole.
Come to think about it, with the Dad thing. He was quite mad at his own dad for not ringing for a long time. His Dad finally rang a couple of days ago. So now maybe he's passed that feeling on. I have a feeling he was hoping this was going to be a bondng exercise between him (Mike) and my Dad. Well, there is plenty of time for that yet! Perhaps he wants thanks for looking after me too. God, I feel like a commodoty. He was saying he would like finaincial help from (all of) our parents. I don't expect that nor want that. The government is helping us out a LOT in that field. The only thing which costs at all is the IVF. I feel guilty that I don't have savings to help with the day-to-day stuff. It's true that L is going to have to work and do housework... at the same time... heaven forbid. But in all honesty, he's done less housework in the last few days than I'd do on a regular weekend. We haven't had to cook a single meal since I got back form hospital, and even tonight our neighbour is coming over to bring us our evening meal. He's done one lot of grocery shopping. He hasn't done any housework except dishes (yes, there have been a few more cups because of visitors), and has done only 2 loads of washing (I did 3 loads before I went in to hospital to help keep on top of things). So he really has nothing to complain about in the housework world! I'm going to have a shower now. I hate being so fucking dependent - I hope I can undress on my own.
I finally buckled and scrubbed the bathroom from top to toe today. I couldn't stand it any more. It was on my to-do list of cleaning tasks before I went in to hospital on Friday but although I vacuumed and dusted the house and cleaned the kitchen, the bathroom I just didn't get to. It was promised it would be done on Friday/Saturday when I was in hospital but I just had this feeling...
Anyway, seeing as I am feeling like shit, I got sick of living in shit so while L played his xbox game, I got down and dirty. It was so disgusting and it smelt baaaad. Well, it was a week overdue for its weekly clean. I'd had a sleep this afternoon anyways. And six solid hours during the night was good. Then I went outside and scrubbed the disgusting maggot-ridden rubbish bin which had been sitting outside for several days, waiting for the ants to eat the maggots. Well, the ants had finished with the tasty bits a few days ago and left the sticky egg-shells, so I worked hard at getting those off with disinfectant and then jif. The bin, the bucket and the lid. All done now though and it feels soooo much better to be in a semi-clean house when you're sick and feeling yucky yourself. L came in to help with the bathroom, and he had mad an effort to start cleaning it the other day but had stopped when I complained about the nasty chlorine smell of the new superpoerful spray he'd bought. I don't know what was srong with jif and a bit of elbow grease, but there you go. Oh I am sooo tired now.
He also had a go about not getting enough support from Dad and D. Well, I feel absolutely fine about the emails and gmail chats and phone calls I get form them. It's probably more than what we would normally do, depending on how busy we are. I do usually chat to Mum more on skype anyways, cancer or not. So L was comparing how much Mum makes contact with how much Dad makes contact - something which had never entered into my head as it wasn't something I had even thought about or had an issue with. But it must have been noted by him and he has an issue with it. We're not the kind of family which lives in each other's back pockets though, and because there are fewer of us, it probably feels like we make contact less often. He often asks whether (my) family members have made contact and asks why they have or haven't. He's also questioned (twice in two days) why my parents haven't sent me any flowers. What the ?!?!!?! As much as it's nice to receive flowers, I'd much rather they (parents) spent money on phone calls! Flowers are the last thing I'd expect from them at all. The only flowers from family members I have received are from ones who are living overseas, which was lovely but certainly doesn't. And who is he to question how other people choose to support me? I didn't take to well to him criticising my family's actions at all. If I don't have a problem with it, why raise the issue? I have asked him to think carefully about some things he says before he says them because although they may relate to me, they may not be things I am ready to discuss at the time or things which may unnecessarily upset me. I wonder if he's talked to the cancer council people yet? He was very supportinve and good the other day when I was having a mini-break-down. Seriously though, I think I've been coping relatively well so far. I'm a bit worried about when the hormones kick in for the next lot of IVF drugs though. Then I'm going to be like I'm prementstrual for 14 days straight. I'm not looking forward to it at all. I've decided to stop asking for help. He doesn't pre-empt it a lot of the time and I am sick of asking because I feel like I'm nagging or pointing out his inabilities/shortcomings. He already had a go at me earlier telling me that obviously his best wasn't good enough for me. I told him to pull his head out of his arsehole.
Come to think about it, with the Dad thing. He was quite mad at his own dad for not ringing for a long time. His Dad finally rang a couple of days ago. So now maybe he's passed that feeling on. I have a feeling he was hoping this was going to be a bondng exercise between him (Mike) and my Dad. Well, there is plenty of time for that yet! Perhaps he wants thanks for looking after me too. God, I feel like a commodoty. He was saying he would like finaincial help from (all of) our parents. I don't expect that nor want that. The government is helping us out a LOT in that field. The only thing which costs at all is the IVF. I feel guilty that I don't have savings to help with the day-to-day stuff. It's true that L is going to have to work and do housework... at the same time... heaven forbid. But in all honesty, he's done less housework in the last few days than I'd do on a regular weekend. We haven't had to cook a single meal since I got back form hospital, and even tonight our neighbour is coming over to bring us our evening meal. He's done one lot of grocery shopping. He hasn't done any housework except dishes (yes, there have been a few more cups because of visitors), and has done only 2 loads of washing (I did 3 loads before I went in to hospital to help keep on top of things). So he really has nothing to complain about in the housework world! I'm going to have a shower now. I hate being so fucking dependent - I hope I can undress on my own.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Sunday 1st - Treats
Has a lot of special and nice things happen. Last night, Mum ordered our dinner for us from a local cafe and paid for it on her credit card. We had a delivery of some of our most favourite food (I don't know how she found out about L's passion for pork ribs!) at 5.30, which was absolutely great. We were far to exhausted to even think about how to get our own food, a feeling which Mum had remembered from last time. It was so good not to have to worry about it.
Today, our friend LL came over and baked a delicious carrot cake for us in our kitchen, and then did the dishes afterwards. It was so great to chat (although I think I was a bit 'stoned' on painkillers by that stage) and the cake was spot on. I ate so much of it but it was sooo gooood. While she was over, E & A and S & A also dropped by, both couples passing through and stopping in to check on us. I laughed so much when S accidentally stuck his arm to L's eye-patch bandage and it was flapping off his elbow. It was the funniest thing I'd seen all weekend. S also volunteered (via A) to do my injections for me of the FSH when those start up, which was nice.
After they left, C and M came around to drop off a pedestal fan. It was 36 degrees today and our little a/c unit in the bedroom was working overtime. The fan just made all the difference to me sitting still on the couch. You might even say that it was FANtastic (ba boom). C has also offered lay-z-boy chairs and complete air conditioning and cheesy movies at theirs complete with chauffeur too, as she's not working full time this coming week. Might be nice for L to have a break if they want to tag-team. I was starting to fade by then, and I can't even remember C and M leaving. I had a snooze on the couch (my 'full body stone'), and when I woke up L brushed my hair for me and brought me a cup of tea. Those cups of tea have been flowing and I do like that.
Another treat is that Dad and step-mother might be coming over this weekend. That would be awesome. Hopefully they will be able to stay for a week or so. I'd really like that. It will be a bit cramped here at Chez BreastCancer, so they're ok to find alternative accommodation which is good. Come to think of it, the place next door is empty... although that also means empty of furniture. Plus a very nosey neighbour living directly opposite. The nosey neighbour has a multitude of ongoing health problems and I don't want to tell her about my situation, because, as I said to our nice neighbour, I don't want to upstage her. I saw the nosey one the other day and she commented that we've been having a lot of deliveries to our place (because the delivery people can never find our door, so they go to the main block first). I mentioned something vague in response about pizza delivery drivers not listening to instructions and left it at that.
Today, our friend LL came over and baked a delicious carrot cake for us in our kitchen, and then did the dishes afterwards. It was so great to chat (although I think I was a bit 'stoned' on painkillers by that stage) and the cake was spot on. I ate so much of it but it was sooo gooood. While she was over, E & A and S & A also dropped by, both couples passing through and stopping in to check on us. I laughed so much when S accidentally stuck his arm to L's eye-patch bandage and it was flapping off his elbow. It was the funniest thing I'd seen all weekend. S also volunteered (via A) to do my injections for me of the FSH when those start up, which was nice.
After they left, C and M came around to drop off a pedestal fan. It was 36 degrees today and our little a/c unit in the bedroom was working overtime. The fan just made all the difference to me sitting still on the couch. You might even say that it was FANtastic (ba boom). C has also offered lay-z-boy chairs and complete air conditioning and cheesy movies at theirs complete with chauffeur too, as she's not working full time this coming week. Might be nice for L to have a break if they want to tag-team. I was starting to fade by then, and I can't even remember C and M leaving. I had a snooze on the couch (my 'full body stone'), and when I woke up L brushed my hair for me and brought me a cup of tea. Those cups of tea have been flowing and I do like that.
Another treat is that Dad and step-mother might be coming over this weekend. That would be awesome. Hopefully they will be able to stay for a week or so. I'd really like that. It will be a bit cramped here at Chez BreastCancer, so they're ok to find alternative accommodation which is good. Come to think of it, the place next door is empty... although that also means empty of furniture. Plus a very nosey neighbour living directly opposite. The nosey neighbour has a multitude of ongoing health problems and I don't want to tell her about my situation, because, as I said to our nice neighbour, I don't want to upstage her. I saw the nosey one the other day and she commented that we've been having a lot of deliveries to our place (because the delivery people can never find our door, so they go to the main block first). I mentioned something vague in response about pizza delivery drivers not listening to instructions and left it at that.
Sunday 1st - Zonked
It's been a busy day. But a good one on the whole, in between times of being in almost complete body numbness! I think the painkillers make me pretty dozy. We've been watching episodes of Outrageous Fortune on DVD and there is one episode when the character, Munter, has a "complete body stone", i.e. he's so stoned that he can't move. Well, I think I know what that feels like now! Unfortunately there wasn't any accompanying feeling of euphoria for me (come to think of it I don't think there was for Munter either).
L helped me have a shower this morning, which was hard but made me feel sooo much better. I realised as I was taking my t-shirt off that it was the first time he'd seen me naked post operation. I was too ashamed/self-conscious to show him before. I'm so glad he didn't comment about anything, because I don't think I could have handled it. It was very thoughtful of him not to. I had a dream last night that the medication I'm taking for the IVF made my breasts shrivel up. I wonder if it might be true? I've go no sense of them or my body at the moment.
L helped me have a shower this morning, which was hard but made me feel sooo much better. I realised as I was taking my t-shirt off that it was the first time he'd seen me naked post operation. I was too ashamed/self-conscious to show him before. I'm so glad he didn't comment about anything, because I don't think I could have handled it. It was very thoughtful of him not to. I had a dream last night that the medication I'm taking for the IVF made my breasts shrivel up. I wonder if it might be true? I've go no sense of them or my body at the moment.
Sunday 1st - Feeling
I think I am getting feeling back in my upper arm. I'm not sure if I am gaining sensation or losing sensation. I freaked out a bit when I had an afternoon nap yesterday and I could feel something pressing against the back of my upper arm. I think it was just the pillow/bed, but I hadn't felt it for a while so I didn't recognise it. It's very strange.
We drained my drain into its little bag yesterday afternoon. It's weird to watch the red stuff go through. When I woke up this morning, the stuff in the tubes was all clear/yellowish. Then I sat up and it turned red.
Woke up with a sore back from sleeping in one position all night. Also, L and I are sleeping on opposite sides of the bed at the moment, because of the drain. I think the mattress isn't used to my body shape!
My throat isn't as sore as it was last time, but I do have a little ulcer on my lower lip, which much be from the anaesthetic tube. My neck is a little bit sore as are my upper arm muscles, when I can feel them.
Am feeling a bit nauseous... might go back at lie down.
We drained my drain into its little bag yesterday afternoon. It's weird to watch the red stuff go through. When I woke up this morning, the stuff in the tubes was all clear/yellowish. Then I sat up and it turned red.
Woke up with a sore back from sleeping in one position all night. Also, L and I are sleeping on opposite sides of the bed at the moment, because of the drain. I think the mattress isn't used to my body shape!
My throat isn't as sore as it was last time, but I do have a little ulcer on my lower lip, which much be from the anaesthetic tube. My neck is a little bit sore as are my upper arm muscles, when I can feel them.
Am feeling a bit nauseous... might go back at lie down.
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